In the spirit of the holiday season,  let me invite you to look at the lighter side of intimate relationships. Following is a collection of quotes on the subject of love, sex, marriage, men, women and being in a relationship:

• I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
• Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith. Do you have any children?
  Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.
  Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn’t that a burden?
  Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
  Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
  (Groucho Marx and a contestant on the game show You Bet Your Life.)
• As a general thing, people marry most happily with their own kind. The trouble lies in the fact that people usually marry at an age when they do not really know what their own kind is. (Robertson Davies)
• Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. (Maurice Chevalier)
• Before marriage, a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it. (Helen Rowland)
• Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. (Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)
• All women’s dresses are merely variations on the eternal struggle between the admitted desire to dress and the unadmitted desire to undress. (Lin Yutang)
• My toughest fight was with my first wife. (Muhammad Ali)
• Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman. (Woody Allen)
• People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. (Bob Hope)
• Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four? (John Lennon and Paul McCartney)
• Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it. (Lyndon B. Johnson)
• Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet. (Mae West)
• Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. (Joan Crawford)
• Why should human females become sterile in their forties, while female crocodiles continue to lay eggs into their third century? (Aldous Huxley)
• I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. (Woody Allen)
• It requires infinitely greater genius to make love than to make war. (Nin De Lenclos)
• One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. (M. M. Musselman)
• No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not. (H. L. Mencken)
• Any married man should forget his mistakes—no use two people remembering the same thing. (Duane Dewel)
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
• When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part. (George Bernard Shaw)
• To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; and to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. (Woody Allen)
• It was a woman who drove me to drink—and, you know, I never even thanked her. (W. C. Fields)