Quiz: Is Your Man Having a Midlife Crisis? ⋆ Colorado Marriage Retreats

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

Dear Neil: How can I determine if my boyfriend is going through a midlife crisis?

Disturbed in Longmont, Colorado

Dear Disturbed: Take this quiz, courtesy of Gay Courter and Pat Gaudette in the book How To Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis (Perigee). How many of the following fits your man?

He is between 40 and 60 years old
He is on either side of his 40th or 50th birthday
He is showing concerns about getting old
He has bought a more youthful wardrobe
He is coloring his hair or trying a trendier cut
He reminisces about his teen years or “when he was younger”
He listens to romantic songs from his dating years
He talks about his “first love” and wonders “what if”
He yearns for a sportier vehicle (or has bought one)
He doesn’t find enjoyment in the usual leisure-time activities
He wants to do something adventurously out of character like hang gliding or auto racing
He’s bored with his life
He questions the meaning of his life
He is dissatisfied with his job or career
He feels trapped by responsibilities or obligations to others
He has financial problems
He worries about the future
He suddenly wants another child
He is unhappy that the children are grown and on their own
He has some major health problems
He has experienced the recent death of a parent, close friend or other family member
He is frequently nervous and/or irritable
Uncharacteristically, he is frequently criticizing you or your relationship
He is not interested in sex
He feels inadequate
He says he loves you but isn’t “in love with you”
He is uncharacteristically abusive
He is recently divorced
He worries about everything to excess
His sleeping habits have changed
He drinks more or is doing more mood altering drugs
He feels that life no longer has any purpose
He is concerned about death and dying
He rewrites what you considered a good relationship by stating “We were never happy”
He wants what he can’t have and doesn’t want whatever he knows he can have
He finds himself thinking “responsibility bad, spontaneity good”

Scoring: 0-7 indicates normal midlife emotions.

8-15 suggests more serious midlife issues.

16 or more indicates that a crisis is on the immediate horizon.

I will continue this discussion in next week’s column.

2 comments on “Quiz: Is Your Man Having a Midlife Crisis?”

I would really like to know if my husband is having a midlife crisis? He is not him self and he keeps saying he loves me but is not in love with me anymore, I’m not the person he married. If it is a midlife crisis how do I know what stage he is in I can’t find anything on what stage is he in of a midlife crisis. Please help I’m so lost and hurt. I would get help but can’t afford it. Thanks Samantha Summers.