If you were to give yourself a grade for how effective, how responsive and how loving you behave in your relationship, what would that grade be?

Better yet, break the above question down into smaller segments.  On an A B C D F scale, using (+) or (–) to more fully adjust your grade, what grade in your relationship would you give yourself in the following categories?

___  How affectionate are you?

___  How romantic?

___  How sexy?

___  How generous?

___  How trusting?

___  How kind are you?

___  How much fun are you to be around?

___  How emotionally present are you around your mate?

___  How physically present are you around your mate?

___  How sensitive and compassionate are you to your mate’s feelings?

___  How good a listener are you with your partner?

___  How emotionally nurturing are you?

___  How physically nurturing?

___  How financially nurturing?

___  How much of a friend are you to your intimate partner?

___  How in control of your negative emotions are you, such as anger, volatility, insecurity, jealousy, anxiety, fear and mistrust?

___  Showing your mate that you value him/her.

___  How affectionate and physically tender are you?

___  How affectionate and physically tender are you without ulterior motives?

___  How responsive and accommodating are you to what your partner says s/he wants or needs?

___  How financially responsible and accountable are you?

___  How respectful are you of your partner?

___  Overall, how much effort do you give to your relationship?

___  Your level of commitment.

___  Your flexibility and receptivity to other ways of seeing or doing things.

___  Your willingness to address difficult issues or deal with conflicts proactively.

___  Your willingness and ability to engage in a disagreement wisely and effectively

___  Your overall attitude in the relationship.

___  Your sense of humor.

___  The division of chores, roles, responsibilities, duties.

___  Behaving, thinking and planning as a couple rather than as two individuals.

___  The time, attention, effort, skill and patience you bring to parenting.

___  How you operate as a team player in the relationship.

___  Your ability and willingness to make up after a fight or a disagreement.

Most of us have this notion that we’re going to find the right person to be with and then we’ll be deliriously happy, content and fulfilled in our intimate relationship.  Seldom do we think about being the right person—making ourselves the best intimate partners we can possibly be.  Being more romantic, more loving, more giving, more communicative, more compassionate and more in charge of our negative emotions and reactions.

What might you gain if you committed yourself to improving some of these grades? If that interests you, explore the following questions carefully:  If you were going to improve some of your grades, what would you have to do differently?  What would you have to quit doing?  When will you agree to earnestly begin?  How will you keep yourself motivated when the going gets rough?  What could you say to your partner when you’re falling down on the job or when you need help?