A Primer for Women

Money, poor communication, children, infidelity, control and sexual incompatibility are the top issues that cause men the most conflict and turmoil in their intimate relationships with women.

The men around the world who read this column, and who have written in have talked about their relationships with women. This is what men say they want from women:

• Men want women to nurture and pamper them.
• Most men want their women to have a good self concept, without being superior, critical or judgmental.
• They want a woman who is socially adept and proficient.
• Most men want the woman to be domestic: to take charge of making the house a warm, cozy environment, and for the woman to do most of the household chores. However, many men are willing to share or assist in the household responsibilities, especially if both people work outside the home.
• Men want their women to be great cooks. Cooking is one way men feel especially pampered and taken care of.
• They want the woman to have some of her own independent interests, so that she is not exclusively dependent on him for meeting her needs and desires.
• If the man wants children, he will look for a woman to be a good and caring mother. Most men still want the woman to be the primary child caretaker.
• Men sometimes have trouble with knowing how to respond to women’s emotions, and especially women’s emotional swings. Moody women often feel unstable and unsafe to men.
• Men don’t like women who act bitchy or uppity.
• Men want their women to be physically attractive, to present a good appearance and to take pride in her appearance.
• They want a sexually active, romantic, sensuous woman, who enjoys sex and can light up like a Christmas tree. Sexually passive women are a turnoff.
• Men want women to be playful, lustful, uninhibited and seductively aggressive.
• They want a woman to be a safe haven. They do not want to be in competition with or have to prove themselves to her, except when in courtship. Men want to be able to be themselves around a woman, and not feel negatively judged.
• Men love feeling attractive and desirable. They like it when you notice and appreciate their masculinity and what is attractive about them.
• They want a faithful woman.
• They want a woman to be a good listener and good communicator, where she is easy and non-threatening to talk with.
• Men want women who are moderately dependent, but not clingy.
• They want good will, the benefit of the doubt and absence of malice.
• They want you to ask if you need or want something from them. Don’t assume they’re supposed to know what you want or need. Be willing to gently teach and guide them in how to be the best they can be around you.
• They want to feel valued, honored and respected. Men want to feel they are more important to you than anyone or anything else in your life.
• Men want women to be honest and to act with integrity. They want to be able to trust and believe what you tell them.
• Men want commitment.
• Men want women to be good at the things men aren’t good at.

Men, am I leaving anything out?