Dear Neil:  I want your advise on whether my boyfriend is bisexual. Here are the facts.  I found a book in his room titled “How To Make Love To A Man.”  He likes to watch gay porn, tells me about rape fantasies with other men and buys gay porn.  He always wants to have anal sex in addition to regular sex.  I think he may have been sexually abused as a young child because he’s made reference to his father having an extremely large male anatomy.  What do you think?

Confused in Ontario

Dear Confused:  Your facts are quite compelling, and it does sound as if your boyfriend has bisexual fantasies.  It’s impossible to know if he has acted on them, but they do appear to be there.  If you want to know, ask him to talk about his male rape fantasies and what he would do if he engaged in sex with a man.  It’s important for you not to communicate judgment or criticism of his answers.  He may tell you more than you’re wanting to hear, but you just may be able to confirm your own suspicions one way or the other.