Note: This is the first of a three-part series. How and when does one decide to leave a relationship that is no longer working, and what are the implications of making such a decision? “I have lived the past 25 years with my husband in a loveless relationship,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “I grew […]
A Test of Abusiveness
Dear Neil: I would like to see you publish all the things to look for in a male which would indicate he is a person who could be abusive emotionally/sexually/physically. Planning Ahead in Westminster Dear Planning Ahead: There are no hard and fast criteria that I know about to determine what another person, man or woman, […]
Quiz: Before You Marry
If you are planning on being married, and would like to know your fiancee‚ better—or build more intimacy into your relationship—address the following questions with each other: What are some of your life’s dreams? How did your parents treat you when you were young? How well did you get along with your parents? Growing up, […]
Communication Exercises for Those Planning to Marry
Congratulations. I hear you’re engaged to be married, and you have come to me, a marriage therapist, and have asked what the two of you should do to prepare for marriage. So here’s my advise: Sit down with each other and address the following questions. Make sure both of you have an opportunity to address […]
What Grade Would You Give Your Relationship?
Everyone wants to be in love, stay in love, and live a fun, passionate, fulfilling and meaningful life. We begin our relationships full of hope. We begin our marriages by vowing our best. We all feel that our relationships are special, different and unique. And they are. So says Gregory J. P. Godek in the […]
Quiz: Communicating
Talking to Each Other So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book “Talk to Me“. Name seven specific things […]
Emotionally Unavailable
Being Involved With an Unavailable Partner is a Dead End “I am writing to you about the man I have been dating for over seven years. We are not engaged and there is no commitment on his part. We see each other only when it appears to be convenient for him,” writes Shirley of Janesville, […]
Seeker-Sought
“[My wife] says that she no longer loves me, does not trust me, and does not want to be around me. It is under these conditions that I am trying to salvage the marriage,” writes a reader from rural Wisconsin. “I have made what I feel are positive steps toward our future together, [and] I […]
Preconceptions of Marriage
How Marriage Changes a Relationship “My husband and I have been married ten months. Prior to our marriage he was very active sexually with me,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “On our honeymoon, my husband did not initiate sex once. He [has now] progressed to jerking away if I touch him and making comments such […]
Evaluating Your Fiancee
John and Sherri were engaged to be married when they entered treatment for pre-marriage therapy. “Sometimes, I think I’m attracted to the idea of being married more than the idea of being married to John,” said Sherri. “We are very different people: we don’t see eye to eye, we seem to have different values, and […]