Dear Neil: I push everyone around me away, and my worst problem is that I’m sabotaging a relationship with a caring, loving and intelligent man who I don’t want to lose. I don’t have good friends other than him, so I turn to him for everything I need, and I have been very needy and […]
Sabotaging the Relationship You Want
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Do you have a pattern of choosing an emotionally unavailable intimate partner—a person exceedingly difficult to get close to, someone who is emotionally protected, insulated or standoffish—while rejecting the people who are available, caring, responsive and who are easy to be […]
A Promising Relationship Deserves a Chance
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: Recently I ended a promising relationship with a man. He was solicitous of me: What did I want? How was I feeling? No man has ever been so attentive to my feelings or wishes, and it made me uneasy. […]
Reader Asks: “I Was Loving. Why Would My Boyfriend Leave Me?”
Dear Neil: My boyfriend was blessed with very good looks, and he knew how to be charming, and I was falling in love. He confessed to me that he has been fickle in his previous relationships and that he invests as little of himself as possible. But he also told me that if I did […]
Building A Case Against Your Partner
Dear Neil: I spend a fair amount of time angry at my husband. When I’m alone, I silently say to myself that my husband has hurt me, or disappointed me or angered me—and I think of all the things he has done in our 17 years together that fit those emotions. I then started sharing […]
Acting Helpless and In Need of Rescue Does Not Make For a Happy Relationship
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. The opposite of mothering a grown man is to act like a little girl around him. Little girls get lots of attention for being sweet, cute and vulnerable. As a grown woman, are you using little girl tactics as a way to attract or to keep […]
One Way to Screw Up Your Relationships With Men
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Am I doing something wrong, or are men just needy and selfish? Among the many things I have done for my boyfriend, here are a few: choosing his clothes for him when we’re together, and laying them out on his bed in the morning; […]
Quiz: Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship(s)?
Intentionally or not, might you employ sabotaging behaviors in your intimate relationships? Take this quiz to find out. Rate your answers on a scale from 1 to 5, in which 1 = never; 2 = sometimes; 3 = half the time; 4 = often, and 5 = always. This quiz is courtesy of Randi Gunther […]
Attracted to the Wrong Person
Repeating The Familiar “Why am I attracted to emotionally unavailable men?”, asks Sandra P. from Christchurch, New Zealand. “Time after time, I get involved with men who are emotionally withdrawn and distant, or physically remote, or married, or workaholic, and do not want to be close to me, except sexually. These men do not want […]
Seven Deadly Relationship Sins
Here is a list of seven deadly relationship sins: Being too detached, withdrawn, removed, guarded or disengaged. Not talking or revealing your feelings. Not asking about your partner’s feelings—or not taking an interest in those feelings once they are shared. Not making your relationship a top priority. Not going all out and giving your very […]