Distant Intimacy is Confusing Dear Neil: I am an attractive professional woman in my early 40’s, and have recently been dating a man who is seven years younger than myself. The start of our relationship was made in heaven: there was a lot of love and infatuation. Suddenly after two months, everything was off, as […]
Dear Neil: I used to be a very jealous wife, and am happy to tell you that I have changed. My jealousy and fits of rage were rooted in insecurity. Partly, I have baggage because my father was disloyal to my mother. Partly, it was that I was bashful and quiet, and my husband is […]
Dear Neil: What can you tell me about people who are “control freaks,” those people who need to control their children and their partners? Wellington, New Zealand Dear Wellington: There are two kinds of power. The first is POWER OVER. The other is PERSONAL POWER. POWER OVER shows up as control and dominance: someone expects […]
Dear Neil: With all the recent media focus on ookill Clinton’s infidelity, I would be interested in your assessment of how important fidelity is to the average couple. You occasionally hear of surveys that say infidelity is rather common. How important do you think fidelity is to the typical intimate relationship and/or marriage? Sydney, Australia […]
Let’s say you are Bill Clinton, and you wish to repair the relationship and regain the trust back from your wife Hillary, after you have publicly acknowledged that you have been unfaithful to her. For anyone who has been—or is currently in—this situation, this is what I would advise the person in Bill’s position (the […]
Many people come to marriage therapists because of a betrayal or an infidelity. The recent admission by U.S. President Bill Clinton that he has been unfaithful to his wife is a scene similar to those played out in marriage therapist’s offices everywhere. But how do you repair a betrayal? How does a woman in the […]
‘No’ Says Man Dear Neil: You printed several letters from women who seemed to be attesting that the men in their lives would receive sexual favors if the men would simply do household chores. Those women might believe what they say, and they might even respond as they said they would—in the beginning. But I […]
Jealousy is an emotion that keeps you from falling out of love, while at the same time it keeps you from feeling love. It keeps you emotionally bound to and dependent upon the person you love. In the range of human emotions, jealousy strikes primal. Cain, son of Adam in the Bible, slew his brother […]
Jealousy can be a normal and appropriate emotion. Humans naturally mate, and they naturally guard their partnership through the mechanism of jealousy. Jealousy develops as we sense that our partner is no longer as closely connected to us as we’d like. It may signal that something else—or someone else—has come between us and is loosening […]
Dear Neil: My husband of 12 years is very jealous. Whenever I try and go out with my friends, he becomes upset and causes a fight. I usually come home when I say I will, and I do not come inebriated or such. On one or two occasions something unforeseen happened and I came home […]