Dear Neil: When I was two months pregnant, I found out that my husband of six years had been unfaithful with at least three different women that I know of. I was going to take my son and leave him, but two days later I had a miscarriage. I felt like I really needed him […]
How Do I Get Over Husband’s Infidelity?
Dear Neil: In February, 1994, I discovered my husband was in an intimate relationship with a woman he worked with. We had what I thought was a near perfect relationship. When I first learned about his other relationship, I blamed myself and completely lost confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t allow myself to be angry, as […]
Husband Sure Wife Had an Affair
Dear Neil: My husband thinks he saw me actually having sex with his best friend. This did not happen. I have always been faithful to him. He won’t go to see anyone because he “knows what he saw,” and seeing a therapist won’t change anything. He’s having all the painful reactions a spouse would have […]
Obstacles to Intimacy
Why is intimacy so difficult? Most people in our culture don’t know how to succeed in a good, intimate, close, monogamous relationship. So they struggle with less than close relationships, hoping things will get better. Some people, however, do have close relationships, and some spouses/lovers are, in addition, best friends with each other. So why […]
Frustrated Man More Committed Than The Woman He’s Dating
Dear Neil: I am increasingly frustrated at what I think is “Robin’s” emotional unavailability. I find myself giving far more to the relationship (and to her) than I receive back. She shows very little emotion or sexual passion, and there is not much of “we” in the relationship. It’s mostly about her and her children. […]
Indifference
Protections Lead to Distant Relationships “I’m stuck. I want to be close to my boyfriend, but I have been burned by men in the past, and I’m afraid to emotionally let go and permit myself to fall in love,” writes Jenny A. from San Diego. “Josh is a wonderful man. He’s bright, good-looking, charming, educated, […]
Why Does Daughter Avoid Intimate Relationships With Men?
Dear Neil: Please tell me what’s wrong with my 38-year-old daughter. She’s very attractive, physically fit, ambitious and has many interests. She’s financially secure, independent, doesn’t smoke or drink, and has no criminal or psychiatric history. The problem? She never dates. She’s had only two several-month relationships that I know of: when she was twenty-five […]
Distant Intimacy
Choosing “Safe” People “I was raised in a very “dysfunctional” family,” writes Lisa F. of Denver. “My parents divorced when I was very young. My father was absent for most of my childhood, except for brief visits once a year. My mother worked long hours to provide for us, and we moved in excess of […]
Rebuilding Trust After a Betrayal
If you have been betrayed by someone you trusted—and are now having difficulty regaining trust—try these recommendations—taken from Jane Greer’s book How Could You Do This To Me? (Doubleday) The most difficult task in confronting a betrayer—and the step where most confrontations get derailed—is staying focused on your objective: the actions you want taken and the […]
Learning to Trust After Betrayal
Dear Neil: I have been married for twenty-two years. One year ago, I had a one month affair, which ended when my husband found out about it. Since then, our lives have turned upside down. I have spent the past year trying to make up for what I have done, but I have been unable […]