Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Recently you wrote about the fear of commitment. Could you also address how to overcome that fear? I am in a nine-year relationship, and I can’t seem to take the plunge and marry. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. Fearing Commitment in […]
Criticism Can Carrode Your Relationship
NOTE: THIS IS THE 2ND OF A TWO-PART SERIES Few couples can completely avoid criticizing each other now and then, even in healthy marriages. The trouble begins if you feel that your complaints go unheeded, and your spouse just repeats the offending habits. Or, perhaps you never clearly expressed your concerns, or you don’t express […]
Quiz: How Critical Are You?
Note: This is the first of a three-part series. Dear Neil: My boyfriend accuses me of being a critical person. I admit I complain from time to time about things that bother or disturb me about him, but I don’t think that I am that critical of him overall. Is there a way to tell […]
Should a Working Woman Also be Responsible for the Domestic Chores?
Dear Neil: I would like to see you address the issue of sharing household responsibilities in two-earner households. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. Except for a couple of years I took off when our kids were born, we have both worked full time. In all that time, my husband has […]
What to Do if You Are Sexually Harassed
NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES A female bank employee is invited out to dinner by her supervisor. She is a former bank teller who has worked her way up to a position as assistant bank manager. She has resisted her boss’ sexual advances up to now. At dinner he suggests going […]
What is Sexual Harassment?
Dear Neil: Could you help us settle an office argument about what constitutes sexual harassment? We have a large difference of opinion amongst us as to where the line is drawn between flirting and actual harassment. Curious In New York City Dear Curious: Sexual harassment is not really about sex. It is about power gained […]
Relationships Require Reciprocity
Recognize When Someone Is Walled Off to You Dear Neil: I have been involved with my boyfriend for three months now and our relationship has gone from bad to worse. The only great day we’ve had together was our first date. From the day we started going out I’ve tried to get close to him, […]
Overcoming Defensiveness
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Defensiveness is one of the more destructive ways of handling conflict and anger, and it can lead to endless spirals of negativity. The major problem with being defensive is that it obstructs communication between people. Rather than understanding each other’s perspectives, you spend your discussions defending […]
Defensive? Let Us Count The Ways
Note: This is the second of a three-part series. However it is expressed, defensiveness is fundamentally an attempt to protect yourself and ward off a perceived attack. Some people just aren’t aware of how defensive they are in their relationships with others. Here are different ways people react defensively: Denying responsibility. No matter what your […]
Is It Right For My Wife to Keep Almost All Her Inheritance For Herself?
Dear Neil: I am a 46-year-old married man with a 14-year-old wonderful son. My wife and I have always shared everything. But recently my wife inherited a large sum of both money and property. We discussed our good fortune and decided we would set aside some money for our son’s college, invest in our retirement […]