Dear Neil: I have a boyfriend who I think of as my soul mate, and I love him dearly. The problem is that he rarely calls me, rarely has time to get together, rarely invites me out to dinner(or to other forms of entertainment), and seldom is endearing or romantic toward me. He is preoccupied […]
How to Destroy Your Relationship
Through the years as a marriage therapist, I have been asked a countless number of times: “We were so wild about each other. So much in love. So passionate. How could we have possibly grown this cold and distant from each other?” There are a variety of answers to the above question. Below are the […]
I Don’t Know How to Trust People
Dear Neil: I am 43 years-old and have never been married. I have a college degree, am adventurous and fun. But I don’t know how to trust people and allow my defenses to come down. I couldn’t trust my parents. My first boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and I have a history […]
Boyfriend’s Accusations Cover His Deception
Dear Neil: In October of 2003, I found a phone number that I knew was a woman my boyfriend of five years had been intimate with before we met. When I confronted him, he became very angry and would not answer as to how he’d obtained the number. I know that he visited her the […]
The “Secrets” of Compatability
Dear Neil: My fiancé and I are fighting a lot with each other, and that’s thrown our wedding—scheduled for later this year—into serious question. Is there a secret for how to know if we can be compatible with each other? We have a lot of common interests and similar tastes in music, Italian food and […]
Unlock Barriers to Giving and Receiving Love
Dear Neil: My wife and I have been reading your recent three-part series about how people block themselves from giving and receiving love. It has spoken closely to our situation. At conception, my wife was unwanted by her mother. This translated to her forming strong and mystifying barriers to me. These barriers have refused all […]
Can a Pattern of Infidelity be Broken?
Dear Neil: Please discuss the issue of infidelity within a committed relationship. Why do people do it, why is it often more men that do it than women, and can a pattern of repeat infidelity be broken? Curious in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Curious: Researchers don’t have reliable statistics on how many women are unfaithful, […]
Why Did Woman Reject Open-Hearted Man?
Dear Neil: Women claim to want a man who is open-hearted and comfortable with intimacy—a man who can show his more vulnerable emotions. But when I have offered my heart and vulnerability to a woman, I have most frequently been judged, rejected or dumped. In my most recent relationship, I not only gave her my […]
Girlfriend’s Loss of Desire Puzzling
Why would a woman sexually withdraw from a man? I have no reason to believe that there is anyone else in the picture, and we have talked about making a commitment to each other, but I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet. Any thoughts that you have will be greatly appreciated. Feeling Snubbed […]
How We Avoid Loving and Being Loved
Note: this is the third of a three-part series. On the simplest level, the way we approach our intimate relationships demonstrate whether we’ve learned if people are safe and trustworthy, or whether being close to others is dangerous because we are likely to end up getting hurt. The fights, withdrawals and hurt feelings are really […]