Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive: Look at the person who offended you apart from the offense, weighing the good against the bad. When somebody hurts you, it’s normal to have negative feelings about that person. […]
How to Forgive Husband’s Betrayal
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: My husband slept with one of our business customers 18 months ago. I found out, and my life just hasn’t been the same since. I have tried to put it behind me, but I just can’t get the betrayal out of my head. To […]
Entitlement
Dear Neil: My boyfriend can never be wrong, and nothing the least bit critical can be said to him without him getting angry, defensive, withdrawn and self-righteous. I’m not talking about me being hard, mean or super critical of him. I’m talking about day to day irritations, or requests about words or behaviors that concern […]
How Do I Stop Pushing My Boyfriend Away?
Dear Neil: I am hoping that you can help me get a grip on my inability to trust—before I push away my boyfriend once and for all. It seems as though I conjure up reasons to fear that he is not devoted to me, and then I become extremely anxious, panicky and explosive. So anxious, […]
Hidden Issues Often Destroy Relationships
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Are you fighting a lot about small petty things? Is the anger or reactivity in your relationship seemingly out of proportion to the issue or conflict that began your fight? Are either of you getting worked up over seemingly small issues, gestures or slights? If so, […]
The Way Around Somebody’s Defenses
Dear Neil: I am so frustrated with my husband that I’m thinking of separating from him. I don’t believe in divorce, but I’m not sure I can tolerate living with him anymore. Anything that even hints at me telling him I’m upset with him, that I don’t like something he has said or done—or, heaven […]
What Do I Do When My Boyfriend is Very Friendly With His Ex?
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (not live-in) is very friendly with his ex. They have had an off-and-on intimate relationship over the last 20 years. She sometimes comes to see him in the evening unannounced—cooks him dinner and stays late into the night. This seems disrespectful to me. The trouble is, he asked me if I […]
Man Asks: “Do Platonic Female Friends Threaten a Relationship?”
Dear Neil: What is the best way for a man in a new relationship to manage old platonic female friends of the opposite sex? I have just made a major blunder and destroyed my new lady’s trust by taking an old platonic female friend to a movie when my lady could not attend. I was […]
Can My Boyfriend Overcome Commitment Phobia?
Dear Neil: I am in a new relationship—four weeks long only. I am female, 34, separated, very attractive and I have a good job. A month ago I got to chatting with a gorgeous man at a bar. He swept me off my feet, and it took one date before we were absolutely obsessed with […]
Divided Loyalties Threaten Relationship
Dear Neil: I find it nearly impossible to keep from criticizing my boyfriend’s parents, religion and upbringing. His parents, in particular, have done things which have either hurt me, or seem immature and selfish. Having said that, they are kind and friendly with me. My boyfriend is incredibly loyal and admires them, which makes my […]