Dear Neil: I have just discovered that my wife of two years has had what she is calling “an affair of the heart” with someone else. She assures me that they haven’t sexually consummated the relationship, and says she doesn’t love him, but says they have grown very close and emotionally intimate. She says that […]
When Trust is a Relationship Issue
Dear Neil: I am currently trying to salvage my relationship with my girlfriend of four years. I have caused a lot of hurt to her (drinking related), but for the last seven months I have been trying to show her that all of the bad things are gone. She says she can’t go back. I […]
What Can You Do if Your Partner Has a Low Sex Drive?
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Do you want sex more than your intimate partner does? Is the lack of sex—or the infrequency of sex—driving you up a wall, so to speak? If so, and if especially if she’s female, your partner might believe in her heart of hearts that the only […]
Should I Marry a Man I’m Not Attracted To?
Dear Neil: My ex-boyfriend proposed to me recently. I have not given him an answer. I am not fully in love with him. He has great personality traits, but I do not feel physically attracted to him, and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid if I say yes, our marriage may not […]
Solving Relationship Problems Requires Compassion
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
Anger and Resentment is Related to Your Hurts
Note: This is the second of a three-part series. Think of a time when your intimate partner was resentful or angry at you and s/he was actually right—you did do something wrong. Even though s/he was right, you may have felt s/he was making too much of it, or overlooking crucial details, or reducing you […]
Substituting Power for Feeling Loved and Valued
Note: This is the first of a three part series. Want to have a better relationship? One of the worst things that can happen to your health and happiness is to live with a resentful, angry or abusive partner. But the worst thing you can do is become a resentful, angry or abusive partner. Real […]
What Makes a Person Emotionally Unavailable?
Dear Neil: What makes a person—namely a man—become emotionally unavailable? Why do men seem to value being emotionally available far less than women? What are some things a man could do to overcome being emotionally unavailable? Hurt in New York Dear Hurt: I get so many questions from readers about this subject that repeating some […]
Father’s Critical Parenting Style May be Hurting His Children
Dear Neil: My husband seems to be looking for every little thing the kids do wrong, and it’s causing our children to act the same way toward each other. He does this from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. He never points out the good. What should I do? Emotionally Drained […]
Feeling Inadequate Leads to Critical and Controlling Behavior
Dear Neil: My husband always has to be right, acts like he knows everything and takes every opportunity to make me look wrong. I can’t make him understand that his criticism makes me feel badly. I wonder if I am adding to the problem by avoiding conflict, letting him have his way and not speaking […]