Dear Neil: I live with a man who is driving me crazy. Seemingly, he’s unhappy about almost everything—his job, the amount of money he makes, how much he has saved for retirement, how other people treat him, how his kids are ungrateful for all he has done for them, about his hurt knee, his wounded […]
Takers and Caretakers
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Do you feel as if you are giving a lot more to your intimate partner than s/he is giving back to you? We’ve all heard that relationships are supposed to be 50/50: what I offer you over time is roughly equivalent to what you are supposed […]
Quiz: Are You a Relationship Caretaker?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Are you a caretaker in your intimate relationship? Take this quiz to find out. Answer each question on a 1 to 5 scale: 1=rarely 2=occasionally 3=maybe half the time 4=often 5=virtually always Are you aware of (or have you been told by others) that you are […]
Carrying a Torch for Somebody from the Past
Dear Neil: Twenty-five years ago, I had a four-year relationship with a woman that ended badly. But ever since then, I’ve had dreams of reconnecting with her. So at the time of my recent divorce, I contacted her, told her of my desire for her, and invited her to get together again. She said that […]
What Can Be Done About a Controlling and Bullying Husband?
Dear Neil: My new husband, for 8 months now, can fly off the handle at me for something I said, and the next two days turn into turmoil. I’m not used to this bullying type of fighting. He’s pretty protective of what I do, and doesn’t let me go on trips with girlfriends, even if […]
Sexual Politics and the Authentic Self
Dear Neil: Help me make sense out of what happened in this relationship. From the time we first met, “Brianna” and I were together all the time. The relationship turned extremely erotic, and it stayed that way for a full year. But then more and more demands were placed on me. She wanted more entertainment […]
Withdrawal and Disconnection
Feeling a bit disengaged or withdrawn in your relationship recently? Don’t feel badly. Most people do. Everyone—no matter how close or intimate, and no matter how much you may love each other—sometimes feels disconnected from the people they love and are devoted to. Let’s face it: living with someone—or being around someone a lot—can really […]
Hot and Cold Behavior is Confusing
Dear Neil: I am a 25 year-old divorced mother. My boyfriend and I recently moved to the same neighborhood to be close to each other, but ever since then he has gotten moodier and more distant.. This has made me increasingly panicky about our relationship, and when I question him about his motivation for space, […]
What Can You Do If You Love a Narcissist?
Note: This is the second of a three part series. People who fall in love with a narcissist sometimes look to take care of others more than they look to take care of themselves. Anyone who has ever had a relationship with a narcissist knows how easy it is to become the person giving and […]
Loving a Narcissist Leaves You Asking “What About Me?”
Note: This is the first of a three part series. In successful relationships, people find ways to compromise and work out differences. Ideally, each person will be able to satisfy some of his/her needs and whims at least part of the time. Often we can accommodate and support another person’s priorities without doing damage to […]