Dear Neil: What is it about being married that takes all the erotic juice out of a relationship? I’ve been married twice, once for 15 years and the other for 20. I’ve noticed a gradual wearing down of romance that happened to both. The relationship starts out hot, romantic and loving—but work, stress, taking care […]
Dear Neil: My partner of five years has three children from his previous marriage. The eldest is his only daughter, and she is recently married and now has a son. Her mission, for our entire relationship, has been to split us up, just as she has split up his previous relationships since his divorce. She […]
Dear Neil: I need some advice. My wife recently ended a four month affair when I accidentally discovered that she had been stepping out on me. She has acknowledged wrong doing (she was caught, so she had no choice). She has said she loves and cares about me a great deal, says she will spend […]
We know that for the past 30 or so years, the divorce rate has been stuck between 40 and 50 percent of marriages. We also know that some people who elect to stay together are not happy together. They remain with each other because of children, religious beliefs, economic necessity or fear they won’t do […]
Dear Neil: Given that you are a marriage and family therapist, I am surprised that you seem to know so little about post-menopausal women. Western post-menopausal women—due to stressful lives, bad diet and lack of exercise—end up with endocrine degeneration, which in turn leads to a significant loss of sexual urge. Foreplay doesn’t work, and […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Have you ever had a huge argument over something completely trivial and minor? Remember the feeling you had afterwards: embarrassed that you let something so insignificant completely take you over? Think again. Your argument may not have been so minor after […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Think for a moment. What triggers the fights in your relationship? Do minor things build up until they explode? Do ongoing conflicts erupt from time to time? Are there rude little jabs or sarcastic responses? Or perhaps it is name calling, […]
Dear Neil: I spend a fair amount of time angry at my husband. When I’m alone, I silently say to myself that my husband has hurt me, or disappointed me or angered me—and I think of all the things he has done in our 17 years together that fit those emotions. I then started sharing […]
The most common primary responses to stress, anger, criticism or rejection are: fight, flight, freeze and faint. At various times you may have experienced all of these responses, but most of us have a predominant style. Take the following quiz to determine which style you most commonly use, courtesy of Cynthia Wall in her book […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Is jealousy a sign of love? Does it induce commitment? Does it teach people to not take their relationship for granted? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’re in good company, because various researchers and marriage counselors have […]