Dear Neil: My wife of ten years makes twice as much money as I do. As a result, she has taken it upon herself to make all the important decisions concerning how the house will be furnished, decorated and landscaped without me, even though she knows I am want my taste and style to count […]
Spiritual Intimacy Requires a Deep Connection
Dear Neil: Would you discuss the question of spiritual intimacy. What is it? How do you attain it? Why don’t more people have it? We are two friends with a bet. One of us says that, although rare, it’s attainable. The other says it doesn’t exist. Your answer will decide who buys dinner. QuestioningLongmont, Colorado […]
Stopping Emotional Blackmail
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Some people who use emotional blackmail are passive, some quite aggressive. Some are direct and others are extremely subtle. Some let us know precisely what the consequences will be if we displease them, others emphasize how much we are making them […]
Emotional Blackmail
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: My wife and I were going to spend Christmas in Hawaii, and we were both greatly looking forward to this trip. We hit a snag, however, when I told my parents, who are in their mid-70’s. My mother’s response […]
Why Are You Trying to Control Me?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why would my boyfriend feel the need to control me? I am faithful and have never strayed, but am still not trusted. I am asked to explain who I talk to, and what we talk about. I am criticized a lot, and my mistakes […]
Breaking A Power Struggle
Giving Your Partner What S/he Most Wants Eric and Candy, who have been together two years, are not getting along. Candy says she needs more emotional support and sensitivity. Eric wants a more willing and nurturing lover. Neither of them feels that their needs are being met by the other, and both of them are […]
Is It Right For My Wife to Keep Almost All Her Inheritance For Herself?
Dear Neil: I am a 46-year-old married man with a 14-year-old wonderful son. My wife and I have always shared everything. But recently my wife inherited a large sum of both money and property. We discussed our good fortune and decided we would set aside some money for our son’s college, invest in our retirement […]
Blue Movies Are More Important Than I Am
Dear Neil: Years ago my husband of thirty-six years was introduced to blue movies. He has not done without them since. We are at the stage where these movies come first, and the intimacy in our relationship has all but gone. Where to from here? Christchurch, New Zealand Dear Christchurch: Perhaps you could open […]
Increasing Your Effectiveness in an Argument
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. In an intimate relationship, the more hurt or angry you feel, the more likely you are to react to your partner as an enemy instead of as a teammate. The more habitually you talk to each other as if you’re enemies, the more hurtful, defensive, antagonistic […]
Angry Fighting Hurts Intimacy and Trust
Note: This is the first of a three part series Dear Neil: I am in a 4 ½ year relationship with a woman I love and want to marry. But we get into such nasty, vicious and hurtful fights with each other that it makes me hesitate about the future. We get angry with each […]