Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.) How much […]
Dear Neil: My new husband, for 8 months now, can fly off the handle at me for something I said, and the next two days turn into turmoil. I’m not used to this bullying type of fighting. He’s pretty protective of what I do, and doesn’t let me go on trips with girlfriends, even if […]
Dear Neil: Help me make sense out of what happened in this relationship. From the time we first met, “Brianna” and I were together all the time. The relationship turned extremely erotic, and it stayed that way for a full year. But then more and more demands were placed on me. She wanted more entertainment […]
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
Note: This is the second of a three-part series. Think of a time when your intimate partner was resentful or angry at you and s/he was actually right—you did do something wrong. Even though s/he was right, you may have felt s/he was making too much of it, or overlooking crucial details, or reducing you […]
Note: This is the first of a three part series. Want to have a better relationship? One of the worst things that can happen to your health and happiness is to live with a resentful, angry or abusive partner. But the worst thing you can do is become a resentful, angry or abusive partner. Real […]
Dear Neil: My husband always has to be right, acts like he knows everything and takes every opportunity to make me look wrong. I can’t make him understand that his criticism makes me feel badly. I wonder if I am adding to the problem by avoiding conflict, letting him have his way and not speaking […]
Dear Neil: I read an article written by you about entitlement. I am wondering if you have some specific, defined actions one can take in dealing with entitled people. I work with two of them, no less, and I dread it, as any little thing that goes wrong can turn into a major problem. When […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend can never be wrong, and nothing the least bit critical can be said to him without him getting angry, defensive, withdrawn and self-righteous. I’m not talking about me being hard, mean or super critical of him. I’m talking about day to day irritations, or requests about words or behaviors that concern […]
Dear Neil: I am living with a wonderful man who is 16 years older than me, and I can safely say “he’s the one.” My son recently got his driver’s license and, with my permission, uses my car from time to time. He often does jobs for me in exchange for the use of the […]