Dear Neil: I sometimes get aggressively hostile toward my boyfriend, even though I know he doesn’t mean me harm with what he says. But when he says something negative or critical of me, or even just something that I’d rather he not feel or (not say), I can get seriously angry, hostile and mean to […]
Discovering Your Wounded Idealist Dear Neil: I seem to have developed a jaded, cynical and sarcastic way about me, and I have been told by others that I come across negatively. I can see this behavior in myself. For some reason I have become judgmental and critical—of other people and of myself—and I have developed […]
How do you handle adversity and disappointment? Adversity can take a lot of forms: a life threatening illness; being fired; divorce; the death of a loved one; losing someone or something you cherished; an injury; a betrayal, or even just having your illusions shattered. Recovering from such events requires great reserves of inner strength, mastery […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one When you love and value yourself, you start taking care of your health; your body; your psyche; your relationships with others; and your sense of vitality, optimism, and overall well-being. Here are some of the things you can do to better love, respect […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: I’m 54, and have had to face aloneness, fear and memories of childhood rape and emotional abuse. How do I become self-loving? Trying to Heal in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying: You don’t have control over how you grew up, […]
Dear Neil: I was very interested to read your column about the rage-shame connection. My husband suffers from this to a degree that it affects every day of his life. How do you heal shame? Trying to Overcome Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying to Overcome: The rejection of self is central to feeling toxic shame. […]
Dear Neil: My self-esteem has not been very good recently. Exactly what is low self-esteem? Can I change my low self-esteem and make it higher by doing more things that feel good to me? Wanting More In Vancouver Dear Wanting More: When self-esteem is low, we tend to neglect our friends, family and colleagues—the people […]
In the classic myth, Achilles’ 5-foot-8-inch body had only 3 inches of weakness in his heel, and yet those 3 inches became his downfall. In a similar way, many of us treat our weaknesses as if they are the sole measure of our attractiveness, self-worth and value. We let our insecurities convince us that those […]
Dear Neil: I am 59 years old, and am told by my oncologist that because of my inoperable liver cancer I have at best only a few more weeks to live. I am trying to sort through the clutter of my life so I can die with a sense of inner peace and contentment. Do […]
Dear Neil: I have had low self-esteem all my life, and have frequently heard people tell me that I should improve my self-esteem. How do I improve my self-esteem? Unsure in Boulder, Colorado Dear Unsure: Try writing down your answers to the following questions taken from Nathaniel Brandon. Create multiple answers for each question for […]