Dear Neil: I am 32 years-old, and I’m a mess. I grew up in a mess of a home—parents divorced when I was five. I had an abusive step-father. My father and I are now estranged. I’ve spent years trying to connect the dots between my childhood and the person I am, so I can […]
Making Peace With Your Inner Critic
Dear Neil: I am interested in your thoughts on how to feel compassion for myself. I am extremely hard on myself, and I regularly think of how I could have said or done something better—after the fact. I would like to know how to be kind and compassionate to myself and put my inner critic […]
Why Aren’t Men Checking Me Out?
Dear Neil: Is there something that makes men attracted to women? Why is it that my best friend is hit on all the time (even as she gains a little weight), but I don’t get hit on at all. I am shy, and I just don’t have it in me to talk to a random […]
How Do I Stop Losing Myself in My Relationships?
Dear Neil: I am a well accomplished successful artist in my mid-thirties. I am confident in most areas of my life. However, when I get into a relationship, I lose myself completely. I become insecure, dependent on what men think, desperate for approval. I forget my own life and my own priorities, and I end […]
Quiz: How Comfortable Are You With Yourself?
The following quiz is designed to measure how comfortable you are with yourself. To take the quiz, answer the following questions honestly: I envy others a lot. __ Like me __Unlike me I’m happy in my life. __ Like me __Unlike me I have a lot of noise inside my head. I can’t stop thinking […]
Being Your Own Hero
Do you have it in you to be a hero? Heroes face some predictable obstacles. They go on quests to meet a goal or a challenge. They encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles and setbacks. They are confronted with their own demons, they struggle with their limitations and they’re forced to learn how to harness their own […]
Cleaning Up Your Attitude
Do you have an attitude? Do you go about your day sour, out of sorts, angry or irritated a fair amount of the time? Are you sharp, cutting or sarcastic? Burned out, tired or quick to the trigger a lot? Willing to believe the worst about others? Mistrusting or cynical? Are you often resentful, argumentative, […]
Self-Sabotage Undermines Your Belief in Yourself
Dear Neil: I have a pattern of choosing men who are unavailable, already in a relationship, married to their jobs or just out for a good time. The ones that are available, who treat me well, who offer me hope—I find inadequate, and I eventually dump them. Why am I doing this? I would like […]
Do you “Should” on Yourself?
Most of us operate from a value system that dictates how we should behave. But inevitably, we’re unable to live up to all of our “shoulds.” When that happens, do you view yourself as bad or weak, or do you torture yourself with guilt and self-blame? Below you’ll find a list of “shoulds” taken from […]
You and The Wizard of Oz
Let’s say you and several of your closest friends decide to take a far-away trip in order to get advice from a wise old wizard. If the above story line sounds totally off the wall to you, consider this as a parable that just may have modern-day value for you. So follow the yellow brick […]