Dear Neil: I think being hooked on approval is the core to why I struggle and obsess so much. There seems to be little ease and relaxation in me. For me, approval seems almost a matter of survival. How does a person change this? Hooked on Approval in Vancouver, British Columbia Dear Hooked on Approval: […]
How Do I Let The Past Go?
Dear Neil: About four years ago I was working out of town. Over the two weeks I was away, my wife had a brief romantic fling. Except she lied about it, telling me they were only friends. However, the younger kids told me of a night when Mommy wasn’t home at 1:45 a.m, and they […]
Lessons Life Teaches Us
Here are some of the unspoken lessons our lives and intimate relationships teach us when we have the presence of mind to pay attention: Despite what most people may believe, men fall in love faster than women do. Why? Men, on the whole, fall for the visual, whereas women are more focused on the whole […]
The Other 5 Commandments
Did you hear the joke about Moses descending Mount Sinai? Carrying heavy stone tablets down the mountain was arduous, and balancing them was very difficult for him. When he reached the bottom he said to the awaiting crowd, “My fellow Hebrews. I have with me these three tablets with these fifteen…oops.” One of the stone […]
How to Overcome Depression
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. How do you overcome depression? Try these: Activities: Exercise; sports; long walks; yoga; dancing; reading; listening to music; long hot baths; making love; gardening; drawing or painting; journal writing; writing letters; shopping; day trips; playing a musical instrument; spending time with young children; cleaning; watching videos […]
Why Am I So Critical of Others?
Dear Neil: Why am I so critical of other people? I can really get on my boyfriend’s case from time to time, because he angers or disappoints me, because he misses an opportunity to be romantic or endearing, or because he says or does something that hurts me. I think perhaps I’ve always been like […]
Ambivalence: The Hamlet Syndrome
Dear Neil: I’m hoping you can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong in my romantic relationships. I meet a nice man, we date several times, he starts to make intimations of getting closer, and I freak out and end our relationship. I then meet another man. We date a few times, I find […]
Do you “Should” on Yourself?
Most of us operate from a value system that dictates how we should behave. But inevitably, we’re unable to live up to all of our “shoulds.” When that happens, do you view yourself as bad or weak, or do you torture yourself with guilt and self-blame? Below you’ll find a list of “shoulds” taken from […]
You and The Wizard of Oz
Let’s say you and several of your closest friends decide to take a far-away trip in order to get advice from a wise old wizard. If the above story line sounds totally off the wall to you, consider this as a parable that just may have modern-day value for you. So follow the yellow brick […]
The Faces of Diversion and Distraction
Dear Neil: I sometimes get aggressively hostile toward my boyfriend, even though I know he doesn’t mean me harm with what he says. But when he says something negative or critical of me, or even just something that I’d rather he not feel or (not say), I can get seriously angry, hostile and mean to […]