How People Regenerate Themselves How do you handle severe life trauma and adversity? What traumas, experiences or woundings have been major life lessons or wakeup calls for you? Which woundings have been the hardest to recover from? Following are recommendations about how people overcome major loss so that they can regenerate themselves: Focus on what’s […]
Everyone gets bad breaks: that’s part of life. But people who experience a major trauma—the loss of someone very close, rape or assault, a major accident or disease, a major calamity and especially a catastrophic fire like I recently experienced—frequently feel their sense of control over their lives, and the vision they held of their […]
Catastrophic Loss is Very Difficult to Accept Dear Readers: I would give anything to not have to write this column. On September 6th, Roni and I and our two dogs went on a five mile morning hike out our front door in an area called Fourmile Canyon. We went on a trail I have hiked […]
Dear Neil: Over the past five years, there have been many personal losses in my life. Recent years have been marked by the sudden deaths of people close to me: my stepfather, my uncle, two of my best girl-friends, my counselor and two close male friends. I also have lost several dear pets and a […]
Following is a continuation of a list of personal strengths, courtesy of Martin Seligman in the book Authentic Happiness (Free Press). Look at this list and decide what your strongest strengths are – not strengths that you sometimes have, but strengths that actually define the authentic you. Using these strengths every day in work, parenting […]
Dear Neil: I was abused sexually, emotionally and physically as a child. Subsequently, I messed up two good relationships, and now I feel that no one would want me. I seem to get everything wrong with other people, and I end up feeling isolated, alone, betrayed, abused and confused. I pretend it’s sort of OK, […]
Are you hooked on approval? Read each statement below. Circle “T” if the statement is true or mostly true, or circle “F” if the statement is false or mostly false. If someone disapproves of me, I feel like I’m not very worthwhile. T F It’s extremely important to be liked by nearly everyone in my […]
Dear Neil: In the past several months, I have lost my job, have been unsuccessful in getting another one—and my house is getting foreclosed upon. All of this has put tremendous strain on both our family and our relationship. I find myself having a hard time staying focused and being productive, largely because I feel […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Let’s argue for a moment that you have certain memories that won’t go away. These memories might be pleasant, disturbing, conflicted or erotic. They may be related to success, failure, embarrassment or about handling a situation poorly. The only truly common […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: Do you know what it means when someone has recurring—almost haunting—memories? There are a variety of mistakes I’ve made in my life, or faux pas, or decisions I’ve made that were either costly or embarrassing. Almost all of these […]