Dear Neil: Would you discuss the question of spiritual intimacy. What is it? How do you attain it? Why don’t more people have it? We are two friends with a bet. One of us says that, although rare, it’s attainable. The other says it doesn’t exist. Your answer will decide who buys dinner. QuestioningLongmont, Colorado […]
How Intimate Do You Want to Be?
On a scale from 1 (low) to 10 (high), choose a number that represents how much closeness you’re comfortable with in an intimate relationship. Many people are less than completely honest about this issue. They want closeness and intimacy, but not too much of it, not all the time and only in certain times and […]
Falling in Love Requires You Offering Your Heart
Dear Neil: In the past few years, I have had several different relationships with me that seem to follow the same pattern. The man is hot, and the relationship starts out with great interest, enthusiasm, hope, chemistry and passion. But after awhile, I seem to lose that enthusiasm and begin to notice a variety of […]
How Do I Let The Past Go?
Dear Neil: About four years ago I was working out of town. Over the two weeks I was away, my wife had a brief romantic fling. Except she lied about it, telling me they were only friends. However, the younger kids told me of a night when Mommy wasn’t home at 1:45 a.m, and they […]
Communication Exercise Helps Build Intimacy
Have the demands of life taken over so much that you feel the connection isn’t as strong as you’d like with the person you love? Are you and your mate unsure how to recapture the closeness and intimacy you once had? If so, try this couple’s communication exercise, taken from John Gottman’s book The Relationship […]
Falling in Love Alone
Dear Neil: I have been in a hot, furious, torrid, erotic love relationship which recently ended abruptly, and I am at a loss to understand why. “Eric” was everything I had hoped for. He was romantic, charming, sensitive, adorable and emotionally available. He said he loved me, he acted like he loved me, he talked […]
Clearing The Air in Your Relationship
Dear Neil: My relationship with the man I’ve lived with for seven years can get very volatile at times, and tension can build uncomfortably high between us. There is a fair amount of distancing, withdrawal and irritability between us. But both of us are conflict avoiders, and neither of us is good at bringing tensions […]
Intimate Relationships After Age 45
Facing The Challenges of The Second Half of Life Dear Neil: I am 45 and in a new intimate relationship that shows a lot of potential for a stable, long-term commitment. I have been married before, have raised kids, paid down a mortgage, acquired possessions, advanced in a career and experimented sexually, which leads me […]
What Makes Relationships Work?
Dear Neil: There are so many failed marriages and/or relationships anymore—including my own—that I would like to know if you could write about what people need to do in order to make their relationship work? What separates a “normal” relationship—the one most of us have—from a good one? What is required in order to make […]
Are You Safe to be Vulnerable Around?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series Aimee is standing in front of the mirror staring at herself. “Gary…do you think I need to get my nose fixed?” If Gary’s goal is a closer partnership, he needs to create safety for Aimee. And that means passing up the opportunity to make a joke […]