Dear Neil: I have been in a hot, furious, torrid, erotic love relationship which recently ended abruptly, and I am at a loss to understand why. “Eric” was everything I had hoped for. He was romantic, charming, sensitive, adorable and emotionally available. He said he loved me, he acted like he loved me, he talked […]
Self-Love Requires Being On Your Side
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one When you love and value yourself, you start taking care of your health; your body; your psyche; your relationships with others; and your sense of vitality, optimism, and overall well-being. Here are some of the things you can do to better love, respect […]
How Do I Become Self-Loving?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: I’m 54, and have had to face aloneness, fear and memories of childhood rape and emotional abuse. How do I become self-loving? Trying to Heal in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Trying: You don’t have control over how you grew up, […]
Love Requires Heart and Vulnerability
Dear Neil: I’m wondering why I cannot trust my heart. Ever since marrying my husband four years ago, I have known something was wrong. After a year of searching, I have finally figured out that I married him based on “cognitive” things that I thought would make a good marriage. The problem is that I’ve […]
When You’re Smitten
When was the last time you felt smitten? People who are smitten live in a different world than everyone else. The normal world includes highs and lows, work, fun, joy, chores, bills, worries—in fact, all the pleasures, pains and responsibilities of real life. Not so when you’re smitten. These words come to mind in describing […]
Expressing Love and Appreciation to Your Valentine
When was the last time you told your Valentine how valued s/he was? How special? What you appreciate and how much you appreciate him or her? In honor of Valentine’s Day, here is an exercise if you’d like to correct that oversight—and infuse your relationship with renewed appreciation and gratitude. Select from the following list […]
Want to Love Again?
The More Love You Give The More “In Love” You Will Feel Dear Neil: I have gone through a series of relationships with women where I just don’t feel the emotions I’d like to feel about them. Either the chemistry is wrong (and therefore I am not much into it), or she has children (I […]
Insecure Love
Dear Neil: I am involved with a woman who repeatedly demands that I tell (and show) her that I love her many times a day—day in and day out. She also demands that I tell her how beautiful she looks, gets angry if I decide to spend time with my friends, accuses me of abandoning […]
Loving Well
The lover’s perspective on life is binocular rather than monocular, plural rather than singular, communal rather than individual. The lover lives within an experience of life in which the “we” is as real as “I.” In love, the rigid structure of our personality, our limited sense of what is possible, our defense mechanisms, our habit […]
The Art of Loving Well
When I focus on the question “How can I become a more loving human being?” a wild bunch of interesting questions burst forth. What is love? How do I define it? How much do I love? How can I measure it? If I discover that I’m not a very loving person, is there any way […]