Imagine the following scenario: Your spouse or partner retracts from you, becomes distant and wants to be left alone. This continues for a day, or perhaps a week. During this time, he or she acts abrasive, critical, withdrawn and angry, and when you offer to try to get your spouse out of this sour mood, […]
Dear Neil: I am a 38 year-old woman who has recently married a 50 year-old man with two grown children. I would dearly love a baby, but each time this issue is raised he gets hostile. He has had a vasectomy, but my time for having children is ticking by. I feel if I raise […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Even lawyers aren’t always adversarial. Many lawyers will acknowledge that a successful negotiation allows both sides to walk away from the table feeling content with the outcome. But all too often, couples who can’t resolve their differences approach each other like bad lawyers. They argue their […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (Type A personality) and I (Type B) are on the brink of calling it quits after an 8 month long-distance relationship. Up until about 10 days ago, everything was wonderful. Truly wonderful. We had begun discussing marriage and we were both sure that we’d found “the one.” But after finding out […]
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Want to control your impulse to criticize or complain about your intimate partner? More importantly, would you be interested in having your partner consistently meet more of your needs, wants and desires? Try making a behavior change request, which is far more likely than complaining, criticizing […]
Dear Neil: I have completely lost contact with my grown children (ages 30 to 18). Their mother and I had a nasty, acrimonious divorce, and she practiced child alienation, bad-mouthing and condemning me a great deal to them. I feel rejected by them because it feels as if they have taken their mother’s side and […]
Dear Neil: I am so frustrated with my husband that I’m thinking of separating from him. I don’t believe in divorce, but I’m not sure I can tolerate living with him anymore. Anything that even hints at me telling him I’m upset with him, that I don’t like something he has said or done—or, heaven […]
Dear Neil: My relationship with the man I’ve lived with for seven years can get very volatile at times, and tension can build uncomfortably high between us. There is a fair amount of distancing, withdrawal and irritability between us. But both of us are conflict avoiders, and neither of us is good at bringing tensions […]
Does this problem sound familiar? She wants him to take a larger role in housekeeping, domestic chores and keeping the place picked up. He wants her to get off his back. Don’t relate to that issue? How about this one? She wants to socialize with and meet new people at parties and other social events, […]