Try This Communication Exercise Note: This is the second of a two-part series. What would it mean to say “I love you” if I neither hear you—nor care what you feel—nor exhibit any real desire to better get to know how you feel? Many people do not love mindfully. Some men and women are very […]
Getting Your Frustrations Heard and Addressed by Your Partner (Dialoguing)
Ever notice how easy it is for a couple to fall into a cycle of criticism, blame, defenses and distance from each other? If your relationship has trouble with one or both of you handling criticism, judgment or differences of opinion, try this exercise, created by Harville Hendrix and taken from a John Mariner and […]
Increasing Your Effectiveness in an Argument
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. In an intimate relationship, the more hurt or angry you feel, the more likely you are to react to your partner as an enemy instead of as a teammate. The more habitually you talk to each other as if you’re enemies, the more hurtful, defensive, antagonistic […]
Reducing Anger in a Disagreement
Note: This is the second of a three-part series Here are ways to reduce anger and improve your dialoging skills, in order to keep your intimate relationship intimate: Beware of the impulse to strike back. When your partner expresses hurt, frustration or irritation, especially about something you have done, your immediate impulse may be to […]
Communication Needs to Improve
Dear Neil: I really hurt my boyfriend of three years by being mean to him, treating him poorly, acting like I didn’t need or love him and generally not being responsive to what he said he wanted.I did this because he was so lacking in romance, and because I wanted to be taken care of […]
Man Wants More From His Marriage
Dear Neil: I came from a broken family and was determined to make my marriage work at any cost. I’ve now been married 26 years, but we don’t have intimacy, and we never do anything together. I want the kids to have as close to a normal upbringing as I can provide, but I feel […]
“Porcupine” Spouses Hard to Communicate With
Some people are like a walled-off garden. There is something beautiful inside them, but for some reason the beauty has been locked away….hidden behind a seemingly insurmountable wall. Let’s call these non-communicators “porcupines.” Porcupines don’t want to interact with other animals. They just want to be left alone. If you watch a curious young dog […]
Quiz: Talking to Each Other
Couples Communication These are more couple communication exercises taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me. To get the most out this exercise, allow each person to answer the same question before you go on to the next question. How is your mate unique? What needs of yours does your mate fulfill? Can you remember a […]
Quiz: Communicating
Talking to Each Other So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book “Talk to Me“. Name seven specific things […]
Improving Communication
Of all the issues that cause trouble for couples, perhaps the most frequent complaint marriage therapists hear is “We’re having trouble communicating with each other.” It is a strange compliant to hear, because most couples are effective in communicating during courtship. The way two people become a couple basically requires them to be willing to […]