Dear Neil: Over the past two years my husband has been growing away from me. He says it’s me just being emotional, but he doesn’t touch/cuddle me anymore, and he is no longer interested in how I feel. I don’t think that we will last much longer. Do you have any advice? No Longer Close […]
Dear Neil: As a follow-up to your recent columns on how to deepen a new relationship, what would you advise if my fiancée and I have a sharp divergence of style or an important difference of opinion? I grew up in a caring and loving household, and I crave greater levels of closeness, intimacy and […]
Talking to Each Other So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me. Name seven specific things […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Want to control your impulse to criticize or complain about your intimate partner? More importantly, would you be interested in having your partner consistently meet more of your needs, wants and desires? Try making a behavior change request, which is far more likely than complaining, criticizing […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Would you like to increase the closeness and intimacy between the two of you as a couple? Resolve conflicts more amicably? Get your deep-seated needs met consistently? Increase passion? Have a more intentional and conscious relationship? Try this couple’s exercise, courtesy of Harville Hendrix and Helen […]
With couples who enter marriage therapy complaining of communication problems, I sometimes offer them communication skill-building exercises as a way for them to talk more openly with each other. One such exercise follows, courtesy of Jennifer Louden in The Couples Comfort Book (HarperCollins, San Francisco): When I think of nurturing the relationship, I think of… When […]
Imagine the following scenario: Someone close to you gets in an accident and winds up with a broken nose. Her nose healed, but she remains fearful of being seen in public. She says her nose doesn’t look right, and she doesn’t want anyone to see her, so she stays home virtually all the time. You’re […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend (not live-in) is very friendly with his ex. They have had an off-and-on intimate relationship over the last 20 years. She sometimes comes to see him in the evening unannounced—cooks him dinner and stays late into the night. This seems disrespectful to me. The trouble is, he asked me if I […]
Have the demands of life taken over so much that you feel the connection isn’t as strong as you’d like with the person you love? Are you and your mate unsure how to recapture the closeness and intimacy you once had? If so, try this couple’s communication exercise, taken from John Gottman’s book The Relationship […]
Dear Neil: Would you clarify where the appropriate place is for anger? My husband thinks my anger is inappropriate when he has periodic communication with a woman whom he has been having an “emotional affair” with for the past two and a half years. Unfortunately, the only way I’ve actually succeeded in stopping their communication, […]