Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Your relationship will not stay close and intimate without good communication. Most people think they communicate well, but good communication involves more than telling someone your thoughts, feelings and judgements. Good communication requires: Being an extremely good listener Hearing without arguing […]
Dear Neil: You very kindly answered an email I sent you 6 months ago about avoiding attachment with men. You suggested I work on my self-esteem in therapy, which I have done. Hence my sense of utter confusion and despair because I feel terrified of closeness and being hurt, resulting in panic attacks. This only […]
Here are 18 signs that it is time to consider ending a relationship: You consistently don’t feel heard. You are more attached to the way you wish your partner would be rather than the way your partner actually is. You are continuously looking for your partner to change, and if things remain the way they […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend refuses to communicate when there is an issue in our relationship. He would rather I simply never talk about it. If I dared to make suggestions to him about how to better deal with conflicts or issues, he would blow up. I’ve tried to have calm conversations with him on what […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 18 months continuously lies to me. He’s lied about going places, about sleeping with his ex-girlfriend, about smoking, about drinking and about spending verses saving money. In the beginning of our relationship I got hold of his social media, and discovered he was flirting with other girls and talking trash […]
Imagine that you have just been diagnosed with cancer, and that your prognosis is uncertain. Now picture sharing this information with a handful of close and trusted people, and telling them you are scared. Which one of the comments below would feel comforting to hear? “You can beat this, I know you can.” “Do you […]
The following questions will help you to evaluate what kind of partner you are, how you’re doing and what changes that would help you to be a better spouse. Answer the following questions honestly and thoroughly. It will help for you to write your answers down or type them up, because you won’t remember them […]
Focus on the qualities you admire and appreciate in your partner, and speak them. There’s a reason you chose him or her. What did you see in the beginning of the relationship that was so appealing, and what do you see now in your spouse/partner that is attractive, positive and good? Make it a point […]
Dear Neil: I grew up with a father who was very critical and controlling, but I was never on the receiving end. I am now critical of my husband, and on a regular basis I point out flaws in his thinking, his behavior and in his speech. I regret everything I say, but I cannot […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 4 years is famous for shutting down, and I am a yeller. (I communicate that way. That is how I express myself.) I yell because I am trying to get him to communicate with me without shutting down, because then we build up unresolved issues. How do I convince my […]