Dear Neil: What in the world do available men have against suitable, nice, full figured women? Several months ago, in a large northeastern city, I placed an ad in the personals of a popular newspaper that has a large circulation among professional men. I described myself perfectly—I included the adjectives pretty, charming, bright, vivacious, and […]
Quiz: Talking to Each Other
Couples Communication These are more couple communication exercises taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me. To get the most out this exercise, allow each person to answer the same question before you go on to the next question. How is your mate unique? What needs of yours does your mate fulfill? Can you remember a […]
Quiz: Communicating
Talking to Each Other So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book “Talk to Me“. Name seven specific things […]
Loving Unconditionally
Loving someone unconditionally is what most of us want to feel, what we hope to feel and what we do feel at times. But most of us also have desires, feelings, wishes and dreams, and if our wishes are ignored, violated or dishonored, we will—knowingly or not—fall out of love with our intimate partners. Thus, […]
Unconditional Love
What is unconditional love? Do you receive it from someone, and do you give it to other people? For that matter, do you feel unconditional love towards yourself? What is unconditional love? “Loving the person even if you don’t like their behavior,” says Amy T. from Triangle, Virginia. “Accepting the person for what they are, […]
Healing Childhood
Letting Go of the Past If you are afraid of closeness or intimacy, who are you going to pick to be in a relationship with? You’re going to pick someone who is impossible to get close to, someone who is unemotional, non-communicative, or who is emotionally withdrawn and distant. They may be tuned in to […]
The Art of Forgiveness
Forgiving someone means to pardon them while giving up your resentment, and letting go of your urge to punish. The decision to forgive someone arises out of the desire to be at peace with yourself and others. The person who forgives usually gains more from the experience than the person being forgiven. It is an […]
Learning to Forgive
“We have been married 38 years, have four children and five grandchildren,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “Last December, I confirmed my suspicion (that my husband) had been seeing someone else. She’d just turned 40, which is three years older than our oldest daughter.” “The other woman sent me copies of photos, notes and cards […]
Emotionally Unavailable
Being Involved With an Unavailable Partner is a Dead End “I am writing to you about the man I have been dating for over seven years. We are not engaged and there is no commitment on his part. We see each other only when it appears to be convenient for him,” writes Shirley of Janesville, […]
Fantasizing
When is it Appropriate During Sex? Dear Neil: “My husband has an addiction to porn. At 70, he even makes things to have sex with. I told him he was ruining my sex life, but he says he doesn’t care. I think he’s a sick person. He’s always on the make for some woman-every woman […]