Are you in a relationship with someone who seems irritated or angry with you a great deal of the time? Where mistrust and ill will seems to prevail? Where you feel controlled or manipulated to such a degree that you do not feel in control of your own direction? If so, you may be in […]
Soulmate Relationships
Dear Neil: My girlfriend of two years recently broke up with me. She said that we weren’t soul mates, and that she needed a soul mate in order to consider a future with me. What exactly is a soul mate? Can you create a soul mate relationship or does it just happen? Is there anything […]
“Porcupine” Spouses Hard to Communicate With
Some people are like a walled-off garden. There is something beautiful inside them, but for some reason the beauty has been locked away….hidden behind a seemingly insurmountable wall. Let’s call these non-communicators “porcupines.” Porcupines don’t want to interact with other animals. They just want to be left alone. If you watch a curious young dog […]
Becoming Soulmates
Dear Neil: Can you tell me how my husband and I can become soul mates? Ready in Toronto Dear Ready: Following are the essential ingredients needed for two people to become—and stay—soul mates. These ideas were stimulated by Daphne Rose Kingma’s book “The Future Of Love” (Doubleday). Honesty. Each time we tell the truth we become […]
Working Through Conflict More Effectively
The following exercises are designed to help couples work through conflict more effectively. If your relationship is beset with conflicts which occasionally spin out of control, then try learning these relationship skills. HIDDEN MESSAGES Explore which hidden issues are operating in your relationship. Consider the degree to which each issue seems to affect your relationship […]
Fighting Better
Dear Neil: My wife and I are getting into a fair number of ugly arguments and vicious fights. Lots of things can trigger an argument, but stopping the argument is an entirely different matter. I feel we are destroying our relationship by the way we are fighting. Are there any suggestions you can offer about […]
Traits of a Good Relationship
Dear Neil: We have been married four years, and have noticed that a lot of things can water down our closeness and intimacy for us. Could you describe the traits or skills that are necessary for my wife and I to create the best relationship we possibly can? Dwindling in Pensacola, Florida Dear Dwindling: Here […]
38 Year Old Virgin Wants to Begin Dating
Dear Neil: I am 38, very shy, virgin, and I have never been in a romantic relationship. I am also very afraid of having a sexual experience. Is there any hope for me? If so, what are some steps that I could take? I have never seen my problem addressed before. Feeling Hopeless in Colorado […]
Quiz: Before You Marry
If you are planning on being married, and would like to know your fiancee‚ better—or build more intimacy into your relationship—address the following questions with each other: What are some of your life’s dreams? How did your parents treat you when you were young? How well did you get along with your parents? Growing up, […]
Communication Exercises for Those Planning to Marry
Congratulations. I hear you’re engaged to be married, and you have come to me, a marriage therapist, and have asked what the two of you should do to prepare for marriage. So here’s my advise: Sit down with each other and address the following questions. Make sure both of you have an opportunity to address […]