Dear Neil: Would you address the effects of childhood sexual/emotional abuse on adult intimate relationships? I have just finished a four-and-a-half year relationship that ended painfully. The relationship confronted me with the effects that my childhood abuse has had to make good partner choices, on my ability to trust, to commit and to be emotionally […]
Obsessing About The Past
Dear Neil: I have liked a guy since I was fifteen years old. A lot of time has gone by, and I have rarely seen him, but I still care and think about him every day. I recently found out that he is married and has a child. You would think this information would make […]
Healing an Infidelity
If I were Bill and Hillary Clinton’s marriage therapist, here are some suggestions I would offer them for how to heal their marriage after infidelity: For the betrayer, some questions to expect: Who? Where? How long? Where and when did you meet? Do you love this other person? Who else knows? Do you still love […]
Woman Having a Hard Time Handling Husband’s Infidelity
Dear Neil: When I was two months pregnant, I found out that my husband of six years had been unfaithful with at least three different women that I know of. I was going to take my son and leave him, but two days later I had a miscarriage. I felt like I really needed him […]
How Do I Get Over Husband’s Infidelity?
Dear Neil: In February, 1994, I discovered my husband was in an intimate relationship with a woman he worked with. We had what I thought was a near perfect relationship. When I first learned about his other relationship, I blamed myself and completely lost confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t allow myself to be angry, as […]
Husband Sure Wife Had an Affair
Dear Neil: My husband thinks he saw me actually having sex with his best friend. This did not happen. I have always been faithful to him. He won’t go to see anyone because he “knows what he saw,” and seeing a therapist won’t change anything. He’s having all the painful reactions a spouse would have […]
Obstacles to Intimacy
Why is intimacy so difficult? Most people in our culture don’t know how to succeed in a good, intimate, close, monogamous relationship. So they struggle with less than close relationships, hoping things will get better. Some people, however, do have close relationships, and some spouses/lovers are, in addition, best friends with each other. So why […]
Frustrated Man More Committed Than The Woman He’s Dating
Dear Neil: I am increasingly frustrated at what I think is “Robin’s” emotional unavailability. I find myself giving far more to the relationship (and to her) than I receive back. She shows very little emotion or sexual passion, and there is not much of “we” in the relationship. It’s mostly about her and her children. […]
A Test of Abusiveness
Dear Neil: I would like to see you publish all the things to look for in a male which would indicate he is a person who could be abusive emotionally/sexually/physically. Planning Ahead in Westminster Dear Planning Ahead: There are no hard and fast criteria that I know about to determine what another person, man or woman, […]
Indifference
Protections Lead to Distant Relationships “I’m stuck. I want to be close to my boyfriend, but I have been burned by men in the past, and I’m afraid to emotionally let go and permit myself to fall in love,” writes Jenny A. from San Diego. “Josh is a wonderful man. He’s bright, good-looking, charming, educated, […]