Note: This is the first of a three-part series. How and when does one decide to leave a relationship that is no longer working, and what are the implications of making such a decision? “I have lived the past 25 years with my husband in a loveless relationship,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “I grew […]
Loving Well
The lover’s perspective on life is binocular rather than monocular, plural rather than singular, communal rather than individual. The lover lives within an experience of life in which the “we” is as real as “I.” In love, the rigid structure of our personality, our limited sense of what is possible, our defense mechanisms, our habit […]
The Art of Loving Well
When I focus on the question “How can I become a more loving human being?” a wild bunch of interesting questions burst forth. What is love? How do I define it? How much do I love? How can I measure it? If I discover that I’m not a very loving person, is there any way […]
Trust and Betrayal 2
The subject is about trust and betrayal, and three different readers illustrate the point. A woman from Brookfield, Wisconsin writes: “Please address how long it takes to get over the betrayal of a spouse after 21 years of marriage. He left me for another woman.” Sheila T. from Denver wrote in to ask: “There have […]
Women’s Issues with Men
Trust, infidelity and deception are the biggest issues women have in their intimate relationships with men, according to the results of a recent survey from the readers of this column. Participating cities in the survey included Amarillo, Texas, Woodbridge, Virginia, Everett, Washington, Denver, Colorado, Christchurch and Wellington, New Zealand and Janesville and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Women […]
What Do Women Want?
A Primer for Men Based on a reader’s survey of this column (and quoted last week), I am going to attempt to summarize what women want in their intimate relationships with men. Women do not speak with one voice. Every female is different, and no viewpoint attempts to represent all women. There are exceptions to […]
Sharing Sexual Fantasies Can Hurt
Dear Neil: Would you address the subject of having lustful fantasies about others while being in a stable, long-term monogamous relationship? Is there a place for sexual fantasies about others in a healthy committed relationship? The two of us are divided on this subject, and my partner is upset with me, accusing me of mental […]
Men and Women Talk About Their Differences
A Reader Survey Result Poor communication, differences in how to spend money, and infidelity were the three most frequent areas of conflict mentioned by both men and women in their intimate relationships with each other. Several hundred people responded to the reader’s survey printed in this column on March 1, 1992. Reader responses came from […]
Infatuation With a Co-Worker Threatens Marriage
Dear Neil: I have a wonderful, considerate husband and two great kids, but excitement must be missing in my life because I think about this man at work, and can’t get him out of my mind. There is a flirty attraction between us that is hard to ignore, and I’m having fantasies about him all […]
Women Talk About Their Sexuality
How important is sex to an intimate relationship? Can a good, healthy, intimate, loving, romantic relationship between adults exist without it? Several thousand readers from around the world have written in to express their opinion about the above question. Listen as women—and next week men—talk about the importance of sex to their relationship and to […]