Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Our ability to protect ourselves is related to the strength of our boundaries. If we haven’t developed clear emotional boundaries, we are vulnerable to physical or emotional violation. Healthy, intact, clear boundaries feel good, and are flexible enough that we can choose what to let in […]
Healthy Boundaries Communicates Your Limits to Others
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Why do I always seem to choose distant and withdrawn men who cheat on me? This is my third straight relationship where chronic infidelity and too much distance have ruined things. Am I doing something wrong? Confused and Angry, New York City Dear Confused […]
Handling Angry Conflict Better in Your Relationship
Note: This is the second of a two-part series Many couples get stuck in patterns of unproductive fighting, complaining and blaming each other. If you are wanting to solve fights and conflicts from ruining the intimacy in your relationship, try the following suggestions: Become a student of your own anger by logging the events that […]
Being More Effective With Your Anger
Note: This is the first of a two-part series Dear Neil: I am 26 and have been engaged for just over a year. For the past five months, I have asked my fiancé to do some housework. After asking three or four times, I get extremely upset, start yelling and we end up fighting. How […]
Reduce Your Attachment
in Order to Let Go of a Relationship Dear Neil: I have recently been dumped by my partner of two years. The worst thing seems to be that I am finding it very hard to let go. Can you recommend anything that will help? Lost In New Zealand Dear Neil: My husband and I split […]
What Factors Determine Whether You Heal From Childhood Abuse?
Dear Neil: Your column about incest and rape brought up a question I hope you can address. I am survivor of long-term (9 years) childhood incest, and I was later raped as a teenager. I have attended support groups for survivors, and 12-step programs for co-dependency. I have been in and out of counseling, and […]
Going All Out: Increasing Your Attachment
Dear Neil: My wife accuses me of being disattached and emotionally withdrawn in our relationship. What can I do to increase my level of attachment and become closer to her? Distant in San Antonio, Texas Dear Distant: In a way, this is the same question as to how you could be a better spouse and lover. […]
Why Do I Choke Up With Attractive Women?
Dear Neil: Why do I tense up and act awkward around beautiful or attractive women? Normally I’m self-confident and self-assured, being a successful, well established, socially adept, 45 year-old entrepreneur with a good reputation and a lot of money. What is it about beautiful or attractive women that makes me act like an awkward adolescent […]
Should I Stay Or Leave? (Part 3)
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. This is the conclusion of a series of questions designed to assist you in determining whether you should stay in or leave a relationship: Would you lose anything important in your life if your partner were no longer your partner? Is what you’d lose something that […]
Should I Stay Or Leave? (Part 2)
Note: This is the second of a three-part series. This is a continuation of a step-by-step guide to help you determine whether you should stay in or leave a relationship: Stepping back from any temporary anger or disappointment, do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to like you? If it’s clear […]