Dear Neil: I am 59 years old, and am told by my oncologist that because of my inoperable liver cancer I have at best only a few more weeks to live. I am trying to sort through the clutter of my life so I can die with a sense of inner peace and contentment. Do […]
The Essence of Romance is to Stay Connected
NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES Dear Neil: Please settle a disagreement between the two of us. My husband says that romance is about candlelit dinners and lovemaking. I say it is more about eating and vacationing together. Who’s more accurate? Wanting More In New York Dear Wanting More: Neither of you […]
What Are Your Enduring Vulnerabilities?
Dear Neil: My wife “Sherry” and I have been married 29 years. We have gone through a huge number of hurts and disappointments that have left both of us feeling vulnerable. What can be done to overcome past emotional injuries so they don’t harm the quality of intimacy and closeness in our marriage? Wounded In […]
The Invisible Divorce
Ways In Which We Emotionally “Exit” Our Relationships In which ways do you emotionally “exit” your intimate relationship? An “exit” is a way of preventing or avoiding closeness and connection by acting out a feeling rather than talking about it. For example, you may watch TV to avoid making love because you are hurt or […]
Making a Commitment Isn’t Easy but it is Rewarding
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Here are more ideas on how you can overcome the fear of commitment: Know yourself and recognize the pattern about how you behave in relationships. Know whether you actively run from commitment, or if you choose unavailable or inappropriate partners. Know the point in any relationship […]
How to Overcome Fear of Commitment
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Dear Neil: Recently you wrote about the fear of commitment. Could you also address how to overcome that fear? I am in a nine-year relationship, and I can’t seem to take the plunge and marry. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. Fearing Commitment in […]
What’s Draining You?
Have you ever noticed what happens when you keep pursuing a business that refuses to succeed? When you hang onto items that a represent a failed relationship or old financial problems, or piles of things to do or things to file that you never get to? These items are huge energy drains that can keep […]
Keeping Your Spirits Up When You’re Feeling Vulnerable and Fearful
Dear Readers: In light of the recent New York City and Washington D.C. terrorist attacks, millions of people are experiencing pain, fear, threat and an alarmingly heightened sense of vulnerability. If you have those emotions, here are a variety of things you can do to keep your spirits high and your fear lower: Stay with […]
Being Emotionally Intelligent is About Mastering People Skills
Dear Neil: I am a high school senior, straight “A” student, and I consistently test very high on IQ scores. But I am struggling socially—with girls and with other guys. Girls don’t seem to like me, and guys avoid me and think I’m “nerdy.” How can I excel so well academically and still feel so […]
Criticism Can Carrode Your Relationship
NOTE: THIS IS THE 2ND OF A TWO-PART SERIES Few couples can completely avoid criticizing each other now and then, even in healthy marriages. The trouble begins if you feel that your complaints go unheeded, and your spouse just repeats the offending habits. Or, perhaps you never clearly expressed your concerns, or you don’t express […]