Dear Neil: I’ve been married for 19 years and have three children. My husband has been unfaithful for most of our married life. I was going to divorce him four years ago, but he came chasing after me when he realized it wasn’t going to work with his flame. I took him back and stopped […]
Self-Esteem
Dear Neil: My self-esteem has not been very good recently. Exactly what is low self-esteem? Can I change my low self-esteem and make it higher by doing more things that feel good to me? Wanting More In Vancouver Dear Wanting More: When self-esteem is low, we tend to neglect our friends, family and colleagues—the people […]
Approach-Avoidance Behavior Seeks Safety and Protection
Dear Neil: I have been involved with a man for two years. After four months of intense dating and heavy pursuit on his part, he asked me to marry him. I said “yes,” believing this to be a whirlwind courtship and somewhat of a Cinderella fairytale. I was 34 years old and had never been […]
Keeping Your Emotional Connection Strong
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Failure to keep your emotional connection strong has a high likelihood of ruining your relationship. But connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced and mastered. Mostly, this is matter of noticing and responding to your partner’s “bids” for connection—any expression […]
Bidding for Greater Emotional Connection
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Do you often find your intimate partner to be too busy to be emotionally available to you? Do you have trouble getting him/her to really listen to you? To open up to you? To trust you? To share his/her true feelings with you? Do you get […]
Where Are All The Available Men?
Dear Neil: I’m 54, and I find one of the biggest challenges is getting the attention of an available man my age. The majority of men over 40 are looking, not for women their own age, but for women 5 to 20 years younger. In addition, a man can be single without it necessarily meaning […]
Advice For Divorced Woman
Dear Neil: I’m 36 years-old. I’ve been divorced for a year and a half and have a six year-old son. My 34 year-old ex-husband is in the throes of a whirlwind courtship and is about to marry a gorgeous 19 year-old girl. I’m having trouble dealing with his new relationship. It’s not that I […]
Restoring Trust After a Betrayal
Dear Neil: When one partner has had an affair and betrayed the trust in a relationship, how can this trust be restored? Hurting in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Hurting: Although people often say “Forgive and forget,” I have found that is impossible to do. You are not going to forget. You can forgive another person’s […]
Telltale Signs of Infidelity
Dear Neil: I strongly sense my husband is having an affair. For the past five years he has not been intimate with me, saying he has no sexual desire. But now out of the blue his sexual desire has returned. My gut says he’s been unfaithful, but I need to know definitely. Some years ago […]
Defining The Conflicts in Your Relationship Part 2
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. What are the issues, conflicts or problems in your relationship? Underline all that apply: Unpleasant fights have occurred between us recently. There are more fights; fights seems to come out of nowhere; anger and irritability have crept into our relationship; we get into conflicts where we […]