Dear Neil: I sometimes get aggressively hostile toward my boyfriend, even though I know he doesn’t mean me harm with what he says. But when he says something negative or critical of me, or even just something that I’d rather he not feel or (not say), I can get seriously angry, hostile and mean to […]
Dear Neil: I was dating the most wonderful girl in the world. The only girl who I have thought about being with for the rest of my life. She was the best thing that ever happened to me—and I cheated on her. I don’t know why I cheated, but I did. I am twenty-three and […]
Dear Neil: Would you clarify where the appropriate place is for anger? My husband thinks my anger is inappropriate when he has periodic communication with a woman whom he has been having an “emotional affair” with for the past two and a half years. Unfortunately, the only way I’ve actually succeeded in stopping their communication, […]
Let’s face it: it’s pretty easy to be tempted. Attractive strangers, hot co-workers, charming business associates, sexy acquaintances. We have lots of possibilities to have multiply affairs all around us if we wish to be tempted. So why do some stray when others don’t? Take this quiz, courtesy of Pepper Schwartz in The Lifetime Love […]
Does this problem sound familiar? She wants him to take a larger role in housekeeping, domestic chores and keeping the place picked up. He wants her to get off his back. Don’t relate to that issue? How about this one? She wants to socialize with and meet new people at parties and other social events, […]
Discovering Your Wounded Idealist Dear Neil: I seem to have developed a jaded, cynical and sarcastic way about me, and I have been told by others that I come across negatively. I can see this behavior in myself. For some reason I have become judgmental and critical—of other people and of myself—and I have developed […]
How do you handle adversity and disappointment? Adversity can take a lot of forms: a life threatening illness; being fired; divorce; the death of a loved one; losing someone or something you cherished; an injury; a betrayal, or even just having your illusions shattered. Recovering from such events requires great reserves of inner strength, mastery […]
Dear Neil: Could you talk about why I keep thinking about various mistakes I’ve made over the years? Sometimes I think of mistakes that I made years ago that I still feel embarrassed—and even shame over. What can I do about this? Embarrassed in Colorado Dear Embarrassed: View your mistakes as valuable teachers. If you […]
Dear Neil: Can you help me let go of my love for my ex-husband? When I finally discovered that he had been having not one, but two affairs with women along his mailman route, I honestly felt like my world collapsed. Can you help me understand why someone would need to do that? He portrayed […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one When you love and value yourself, you start taking care of your health; your body; your psyche; your relationships with others; and your sense of vitality, optimism, and overall well-being. Here are some of the things you can do to better love, respect […]