Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one Some people who use emotional blackmail are passive, some quite aggressive. Some are direct and others are extremely subtle. Some let us know precisely what the consequences will be if we displease them, others emphasize how much we are making them […]
Emotional Blackmail
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: My wife and I were going to spend Christmas in Hawaii, and we were both greatly looking forward to this trip. We hit a snag, however, when I told my parents, who are in their mid-70’s. My mother’s response […]
Why Intimate Relationships End
Dear Neil: My boyfriend abruptly ended our two year relationship. No real explanation was offered—just that he decided that I wasn’t the one. There was no discussion about what went into his decision, or what he was thinking or feeling about me—or about us. But I’m sure we both loved and cared about each other. […]
Facing The Green-Eyed Monster Together
Do you suspect that your partner is secretly seeing someone else? That someone may be chasing after him/her? That your partner may be attracted to someone else? That s/he may be physically or emotionally intimate with another person behind your back? That s/he has a weak spot for other men/women? Jealousy is an emotion that […]
Ambivalence: The Hamlet Syndrome
Dear Neil: I’m hoping you can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong in my romantic relationships. I meet a nice man, we date several times, he starts to make intimations of getting closer, and I freak out and end our relationship. I then meet another man. We date a few times, I find […]
Are You Safe to be Vulnerable Around?
Note: This is the first of a two-part series Aimee is standing in front of the mirror staring at herself. “Gary…do you think I need to get my nose fixed?” If Gary’s goal is a closer partnership, he needs to create safety for Aimee. And that means passing up the opportunity to make a joke […]
Do you “Should” on Yourself?
Most of us operate from a value system that dictates how we should behave. But inevitably, we’re unable to live up to all of our “shoulds.” When that happens, do you view yourself as bad or weak, or do you torture yourself with guilt and self-blame? Below you’ll find a list of “shoulds” taken from […]
You and The Wizard of Oz
Let’s say you and several of your closest friends decide to take a far-away trip in order to get advice from a wise old wizard. If the above story line sounds totally off the wall to you, consider this as a parable that just may have modern-day value for you. So follow the yellow brick […]
Healing Sorrow Through Grieving
Dear Neil: I wonder if you could write about the slow ending of a relationship through a long illness. Thanks. Grieving in Wellington, New Zealand Dear Grieving: To say “goodbye” to someone is accepting that a connection has ended. It means breaking the energetic connection that keeps you tied together. It is essential if you […]
Exercises to Enhance Closeness and Intimacy
The following is a collection of couples enrichment exercises taken from the “Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner” by Gary Schultheis, Bill O’Hanlon and Steffanie O’Hanlon (John Wiley and Sons). Try these exercises out as a way of enriching and deepening the intimacy between you: Find five things you would do if you were really in […]