Love involves looking at someone subjectively instead of objectively. It asks of me to give my heart to another regardless of whether that person has earned it. In fact, I become willing to overlook the negatives about someone in order to be smitten. I give my heart because I want to be attached to that […]
I once had a colleague who did what I do: he was a marriage therapist. But this gentleman was in his early 90’s, and he had been married 70 years. He talked about his 5 marriages—and his 4 divorces—to his wife of 70 years, all with the same woman, and never with an actual divorce. […]
I’ve heard it easily a thousand times from couples I’ve treated in marriage counseling. “We have a hard time communicating,” “We don’t communicate well,” “We get in an argument when we talk,” and a hundred other variations of that theme. The question is why. What happens to couples that once communicated well with each other, […]
Dear Neil: My husband and I have been married 9 years. We have struggled financially the entire time. He lost his job after we got back from our honeymoon, and has since jumped from job to job, so he has contributed significantly less than I have to our monthly budget the entire time. Recently he […]
Note: This is an update of a column I wrote 25 years ago. It still feels just as relevant and essential today. One skill stands out above all others if you want the closest relationship possible. If you are a man, it would be wise for you to adopt the attitude that you will never […]
I have been living with this man for 18 months. Four months ago I found a text on his phone asking for a sensual massage. I googled the number and multiple ads popped up about guys asking for “happy ending” massages. When I confronted my partner, he admitted he likes getting getting a hand job […]
Every troubled relationship gives warning signs that things are going poorly. A spouse or partner will act discontent, or they will become resentful, angry, distant or withdrawn. Pay close attention to these signs; they need to be addressed immediately. You can do that by asking questions about how your partner is feeling about you and […]
Listed below are 6 different ways of loving, from the “Love Attitude Scale” created by Claude and Susan Hendrick. All are valid styles that reflect different attitudes about love, and you may have more than one style. Which styles fit you the best now, and which styles fit you the best earlier in your relationship […]
“Oh you poor victim. Quit being a martyr. Next thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to get nailed on a cross.” Has anyone said something like that to you? If so, you may be occasionally playing victim—or adopting a victim mentality. Most people have done so from time to time. But the difference […]
If you wish to have a “happily ever after” relationship, here are a series of intimacy skills that you will need: Treat your your spouse/partner with kindness and friendliness, and afford him/her the benefit of doubt. Be true to your word, clarify the limits of what you can do, and respect differences. (Frequently we want to […]