Dear Neil: I’d like to suggest some don’ts for men who date single moms. Don’t expect her to have you over to her home early in the relationship. She is concerned about her children’s emotions and doesn’t want to expose them to everyone she dates. If you’re the right one, she’ll include you in that […]
How to Forgive and Let Go of Your Hurt
Forgiveness is a choice, it is not an emotion. You are not going to feel like it, but you can do it. Apparently, nobody is born with a lot of talent for forgiving. If you do not forgive those who have hurt you, you will have a very hard time trusting other people, and that […]
Choosing a “Challenge” for a Relationship
Dear Neil: Men who are sensitive to today’s issues do not come on boldly. These men—and they do exist—tend to wait in the background. Unfortunately, these are the same men that women claim that they are interested in. “Sally” left me for her old boyfriend. A man she twice arrested for assaulting her. He was […]
Evaluating Your Fiancee
John and Sherri were engaged to be married when they entered treatment for pre-marriage therapy. “Sometimes, I think I’m attracted to the idea of being married more than the idea of being married to John,” said Sherri. “We are very different people: we don’t see eye to eye, we seem to have different values, and […]
Improving Communication
Of all the issues that cause trouble for couples, perhaps the most frequent complaint marriage therapists hear is “We’re having trouble communicating with each other.” It is a strange compliant to hear, because most couples are effective in communicating during courtship. The way two people become a couple basically requires them to be willing to […]
Building Intimacy
Adding Zing to Your Relationship Jerry D. of Arvada writes, “After twenty plus years, (my wife and I) still love each other a lot, but our relationship has been on a plateau for several years. We both would like to add some excitement and new dimensions to our marriage that might revitalize our intimacy. Do […]
Conflict Resolution in an Intimate Relationship
There are three things necessary to sustain a healthy, on going, romantic, intimate relationship: heart, fire and skills. When Jack and Nancy entered marriage therapy, it was obvious that they still had heart and fire. But their six year marriage clearly lacked effective skills, and that’s why their relationship was on the rocks. “We get […]
Quiz: Evaluating Your Relationship
This inventory offers you an opportunity to be more objective in looking at a current or previous relationship. It is not a scientifically validated questionnaire, but a guide based on my observations about what’s important in a relationship—and about what gets intimate relationships in trouble. If you are doing this as a couple, score this […]
Gender Differences in Relationships
Men, Women and Intimacy In the long run for humankind, which of the following is of greater significance? The relationship between east and west; the relationship between north and south; the relationship between liberals and conservatives; the relationship between men and women? At a recent workshop I conducted on men, women and gender differences in […]
Evaluating a Romantic Partner
For two years, Elli Robinson had been dating a man she felt comfortable with, a man whom she liked and cared about. They had even been talking about marriage. Recently, Her car broke down on I-25, and the first person who stopped to offer help was a strikingly attractive man, to whom Elli felt very […]