Falling Out of Love “Three years ago, [my husband] became depressed, and criticized our home, our life; everything was wrong,” writes an anonymous woman from Christchurch, New Zealand. “I kept quiet but became hurt and resentful. I felt used and unloved. I have heard enough of comments such as ‘grow a brain,’ ‘you’re full of […]
Preconceptions of Marriage
How Marriage Changes a Relationship “My husband and I have been married ten months. Prior to our marriage he was very active sexually with me,” writes a woman from Milwaukee. “On our honeymoon, my husband did not initiate sex once. He [has now] progressed to jerking away if I touch him and making comments such […]
Measuring Your Love Life
What is your sex life like? How do you feel about sex and your own sexual health and well-being? Some surprising, interesting and revealing findings have recently come out about people’s sexual attitudes, values and practices. According to the recently published Janis Report on Sexual Behavior, did you know that: Men 65 and older are […]
Defeating Jealousy
What is your reaction to the following situations: Your intimate partner spends increasingly more time in outside activities and hobbies in which you are not included. Your partner comments to you on how attractive another person is. At a party, your partner dances with someone you do not know. Someone flirts with your partner. Your […]
When Your Relationship Fails
The following questions, gleaned from Daphne Rose Kingma’s book Coming Apart (Fawcett Crest Publications) are designed to assist you in gaining greater awareness of why your relationship failed. These exercises are designed for you, not for you to send to your ex-partner. On paper, tell the story of how your relationship began. Where did you meet, what […]
Single Moms
Dear Neil: I’d like to suggest some don’ts for men who date single moms. Don’t expect her to have you over to her home early in the relationship. She is concerned about her children’s emotions and doesn’t want to expose them to everyone she dates. If you’re the right one, she’ll include you in that […]
How to Forgive and Let Go of Your Hurt
Forgiveness is a choice, it is not an emotion. You are not going to feel like it, but you can do it. Apparently, nobody is born with a lot of talent for forgiving. If you do not forgive those who have hurt you, you will have a very hard time trusting other people, and that […]
Choosing a “Challenge” for a Relationship
Dear Neil: Men who are sensitive to today’s issues do not come on boldly. These men—and they do exist—tend to wait in the background. Unfortunately, these are the same men that women claim that they are interested in. “Sally” left me for her old boyfriend. A man she twice arrested for assaulting her. He was […]
Evaluating Your Fiancee
John and Sherri were engaged to be married when they entered treatment for pre-marriage therapy. “Sometimes, I think I’m attracted to the idea of being married more than the idea of being married to John,” said Sherri. “We are very different people: we don’t see eye to eye, we seem to have different values, and […]
Improving Communication
Of all the issues that cause trouble for couples, perhaps the most frequent complaint marriage therapists hear is “We’re having trouble communicating with each other.” It is a strange compliant to hear, because most couples are effective in communicating during courtship. The way two people become a couple basically requires them to be willing to […]