How Your Past Affects Your Intimate Relationships You are likely still seeking as an adult the needs you had when you were growing up that did not get met by your parents. Intimacy is the realm in which we work out our unresolved or unmet childhood needs. The unmet needs, hurts or unresolved issues from […]
The Past
“I come from a very troubled childhood. [I had] a father who drank heavily and who terrorized my mother and myself on an almost daily basis. He once held a loaded gun to my mom’s head,” writes a woman from Christchurch, New Zealand. “Perhaps even as a baby I knew I wasn’t wanted, and that […]
Me or My Body?
“How do you know if a man is interested in you, or just your body?” asked a 35 year old patient of mine recently during her therapy session. “I seem to have this problem a lot. A man expresses interest in me, ‘chases’ me, invites me out to interesting places, tells me he is growing […]
Rising to the Occasion
“Could you write about how to deal with either ugly remarks or looks from people?” writes a woman from rural Colorado. “I have a disfiguring disorder (neurofibromatosis) [and have] masses of small tumors on my face, neck, arms and all over. “In winter, I can hide most of them (long sleeves, turtle necks, etc.) but […]
Unfaithful
There are several types of affairs people engage in, and not all infidelities are the same. Serial affairs consist of a series of one night stands and/or a series of brief affairs, says Rona Subotnik and Gloria Harris in their book Surviving Infidelity. Intimacy and commitment are missing in such affairs. Sex and excitement are […]
Adultery: Surviving Infidelity
“Last month I came home from a business trip earlier than expected, and walked in on my wife making love with another man,” writes a reader from Montreal, Canada. “I cannot describe the thoughts and feelings that have emerged for me since. I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel angry. I have contemplated suicide. I’ve […]
Enriching Your Intimate Relationship
We know that Valentine’s Day has been observed for over five hundred years, but there is evidence that it has been associated with lovers from as early as 269 A.D. February 15th was an ancient pagan holiday that represented spring (February fell in springtime in the Julian Calendar, which was used before the 16th century). […]
What is Love?
If there is such a thing as heaven on earth, the passionate attachment that we call love is as close as we get to transcending normal reality and lifting our hearts and spirits to a higher dimension. People who are in love are literally high on life. It is not always so simple to distinguish […]
Dishonesty and Trust
“I often catch John in little ‘white lies.’ His lies are often about stupid things and really amount to nothing, but it really bothers me that he would feel the need to lie to me rather than tell the truth,” writes a woman from Aurora, Colorado. “He is not an accomplished liar, and eventually the truth […]
Sexual Attraction
“My husband is of a stocky build which I thought was okay when we married. However, after 17 years and another 50-60 pounds, I find him totally unattractive,” writes Sharon R. of Denver. “I still love him, but the feelings seem purely platonic. This problem has progressed to the point that in order to enjoy […]