Dear Neil:  From my own experience, I have become aware that achieving orgasm during intercourse is difficult for many women—and frequently results in disappointment and disillusionment.  Instead of an expression of mutual love, it becomes an act of service or duty for the woman, who afterwards must contain her unrelieved sexual tension.  After 27 years of marriage, I am still hoping that my dream of the ultimate orgasm in unison with my partner during intercourse will be realized.  Any helpful guidance you have on this topic will be appreciated.

Wanting Help In New Zealand

Dear Wanting Help:  Since the female organ most often needs direct and prolonged stimulation in order to be brought to orgasm, relatively few women climax during lovemaking.  Typically, a woman requires a loving and patient partner who can stimulate her manually, orally or with an adult toy—and keep her stimulated.  Either that, or she needs an affectionate and caring partner who will hold, kiss and caresses her while she stimulates herself.  When you reach the “point of no return,” that’s the perfect time to invite your husband in.

Don’t contain your unrelieved sexual tension.  Ask your husband to do something about it, either right before or right after lovemaking.  If after 27 years of marriage, you still haven’t realized your sexual dream, perhaps you might consider trying it a different way?