Dear Neil: My girlfriend is on her iPhone almost all the time when we’re together. When we’re in a restaurant, she checks her Facebook account; in a movie theater, she texts her friends; at a social gathering or party, she repeatedly checks her emails; at her family dinner she is on Twitter while everyone else is talking or eating (it’s in her lap, so nobody else sees it except me). And this is not because she is expecting an urgent message. This is every day, not just some days.
This is the same woman who tells me she wants to marry me and who is insanely passionate about me, so I don’t think she is bored with me or otherwise disinterested in being close to me. And this doesn’t just happen around me. At work, she is constantly checking Facebook, emails, voice mails, Skype or texts as well.
It’s not like we’re from different generations, either, although she is 7 years younger than I am. I check my emails and texts also, but I’m not immersed in them all day, every day. Why is she doing this, and what would you recommend that I do about it?
Annoyed in Canada
Dear Annoyed: Your girlfriend sounds as if she has become addicted to social media, and you sound as if you are feeling alone and isolated in her presence. This gives you the unmistakable feeling that although she is right next to you, she isn’t really there in mind and spirit—and her attention isn’t with you either.
When we’re constantly scanning the environment, as your girlfriend is doing, we are partly there with others and partly focused on not missing anything, whether it be news, social interaction, alerts, phone calls, emails, texts or something else. This partial attention we use to scan our environment means that we aren’t giving our full attention to the person (or the people) next to us, which can lead you to feel that although she might be right next to you, she’s actually not there.
She may be checking for emails, texts and social news countless times a day because she is afraid that if she misses anything big, that will prove that she is dispensable, unnecessary and unimportant—and that the world can function without her. Or she may think that she can almost will other people to text, email, call or Skype her if she checks her cell phone (or computer) often enough. Either way, when she is on hyper-alert to her cell phone, nothing else is receiving her full attention.
I would recommend that you tell your girlfriend what you’re feeling about her all-day cell phone surveillance, and ask her to limit the times she’s available for others to contact her, especially when the two of you are alone together, or you’re out in a social situation. She may not be aware how often she’s scanning for information, or may not understand how her behavior is affecting you (and probably others). And if she is doing this at work, her employment may be at risk without her even being aware of it.
Social media may be a useful and engaging tool for staying in contact with lots of other people, groups, organizations and news outlets, but it doesn’t replace face-to-face human contact that give relationships their touch and feel—and it doesn’t replace good old-fashioned ways of attaching, connecting, romancing or being affectionate. Ask your girlfriend for an agreement about having alone uninterrupted time together, where the two of you can give your full attention and presence to each other, and ask her to do the same at social events that feel important to you.
You might also ask her what helps her to feel that the two of you are close and connected. You can then tell her what assists you in feeling closest to her, and what you feel detracts from the connection. Then make an agreement with each other about what each of you are willing to do differently in order to keep your connection vital and intimate. If she knows that shutting off her phone will help bring the two of you closer, hopefully she will respond accordingly. If she doesn’t, take her to an addictions counselor.
On pages 242-3 of my #1 international bestselling book Love, Sex, and Staying Warm, I go more in depth on this subject, and provide additional recommendations to address this issue.
This is so helpful
I just want to say that reply is incredible ..
Nice post !!
I just dated this girl and ever since we been together she been on her phone. Wat do i do to let her know im feeling lonley?that shes on her phone all the time and 5 min before i got to leave she gets off her phone and pays attention to me. Im afraid to tell her how i feel about it because i dont want her to think different about me in anyway.
Someone please give me advise
I’m in the same boat as well. I’ve tried to set an example by turning my phone off before I get to her house and before she meets me. I know she has taken notice because she has started mentioning it. “why do you turn your phone off?” and “you can use your phone around me” and “what if you get an important message”
last night she said “I’ve just tagged you in something on Facebook look at it” why would I look I’m sat next to her trying to order dinner in the nice restaurant were in that I’ve taken her too.
As soon as we got into bed last night after the dinner & cinema date she looked at her phone for over an hour. I was trying to Initiate cuddles/sex “in a minute I’m on snap chat” then “I’m on Facebook” in the end I rolled over and went to sleep this morning she woke up, “why were you in a grump last night?”
I feel I’m the other man in this relationship between her and her phone.
Lurch….I realize your post was 3 years ago, but you have described my marriage almost exactly. I’m curious how it has turned out for you.
Well if the shoe fits man if that’s how you feel your feeling is real because that’s exactly how it is man now what are you going to do about it? She won’t listen to reason cause she doesn’t care. Period. The only thing important is that phone. You’re not in competition with her phone. Competition would imply you are on a level playing field with that electronic device but I’m here to tell you that artificial intelligence/technology is far more important than you ever hoped to be. Sad but true. Got a better chance dating your dog at least you’ll get some attention there. That sounds laughable unfortunately we don’t laugh because it’s funny we laughed because it’s true you know what has to be done here get honest with yourself Hell you can’t even end the relationship because you are not in one; not between you and her at least maybe her phone will break up with her next week and you’ll have a chance until then you got no dog in the fight maybe while you’re with her you could pick up your phone and start dialing sex lines that way you’re getting some attention She’s got to be getting off to stay on the phone as long as she does She’s probably molesting the phone every chance she gets when you’re not looking bottom line is the only one being neglected is you good luck to you brother
Leave her she is making a barrier I’ve been there it’s disgusting how some people do this to others , it’s like your not even there with them an beats you down
We end up in toxic relationships because we don’t stand up for ourselves early on when red flags occurs. We let some things slide because of fear of losing a companion. How long do you let disrespect and neglect go? At some point you have to develop healthy barrier for how you going to be treated; you responsible for your experience, nobody else is. Stop let things slide, because they will become a habit to her and she’ll feel like she not doing you anything wrong, stand for your respect, values, etc…
That’s actually good advice.
I’m in the same situation. One day she was on her phone for 14 hours straight and it’s driving me insane. Her kids are doing the same thing. They are 15 and 16, no friends, always on their phone, they don’t even go out. I can’t take it anymore. I always leave the house, active gym, park, business.
She always stare at the phone, no mather what we do. I’m not used to this behaviour.
I’ve talked to my girlfriend about it and she keeps doing it … what do you think I should Do?
My girl is on her cell phone. Now……
And has been all day. It’s midnight and she is smoking on her cellphone. I feel like a pet dog. Almost want to give the ultimatum. Me or the fuckin phone. I’ll try to communicate to her …… But if she keeps on maybe I should rethibk the whole deal. Going to sleep. Tired of waitinf on her.
I’m in tue same boat bud, but mine has a 10 month old child and she wont even give her attention. I’m the one that has to take care of her child and when I say something she says I’m tired of you telling me to get off my phone. I’m so fucking sick of this shit I’m just scared something might happen to the baby that’s why I’m still here for now
My wife is beyond obsessed with her iphone 6 plus. I bought it for her and it was the worst mistake. She was literally a different and better wife when she had her little pos metro phone.
Now it is 24/7, facebook and candy crush and messaging apps. It disgusts me that she would rather play with her phone than spend time with me and the kids. I will think she is watching the kids downstairs but no, I walk downstairs and the kids are getting into God knows what and she is there, but not there, immersed in her cell phone social media fantasy world. Its ruining our marriage, tbh, and even late at night she would 99% of the time rather play with phone than be intimate. If we didnt have kids I would have called it quits already 🙁
You took the words right out my mouth. I’ve been dealing with this a long time and it will soon come to an end, tired of living life unhappy life is to short
Sorry to see this post. Not only for you my friend but for me also. I have the same problem with my wife. More interested in her phone than her family. We cant enjoy an outing without her face stuck in the damn thing. She sees a good moment takes a photo. Instantly puts in on facebook. Then spend the next 2 hrs discussing it and replying to messages about it on FB. Meanwhile me and the boy try to enjoy ourselves without her. Then in the car on the way home. No conversation. Just her phone.
I’m feeling the exact same way
I agree with all of you guys.. I found this looking for some way to fix the issue but the more I read about it I feel it might not be possible.. Good luck with all of you and your issues.
I agree! People are forgetting about people. They are devolving emotionally. Women are usually the worst in regards to excessive cell phone use. That is frightening considering they are supposed to be the warmer more emotional sex. If your not enough to keep there focus, your human interaction has little value, then find someone who cares. There are plenty of women out there who want real attention.
Yes It really sucks…. I only get an hour a day to eat lunch with my girlfriend all she does is looking at her phones. She knows it’s wrong, but still can’t help herself. I tried to let her know how I feel about this she just gets mad at me for guilt tripping her.
No matter what she’s never wrong.
I know the OP is several years old but this is my exact situation. She thinks its nothing. She gets angry that I get frustrated and get off the sofa to do something. Like the OP if it wasnt for my little girl I’d be gone. Ultimate mistake….
Damn bro its same wit my babymomma its driving me insane idk what to do anymore
yep my girl spends hours looking on social media it drives me crazy cuz I feel that I have no girlfriend at times she talks to more people than me Idk what to do
Hey tried to follow your advice but she just ignored me and went on whatsapp
What do i do?? I’m stuck for answers
She’s kinda hot so i don’t really wanna let her go
but i feel like shes just using me and really wants to be talking to the boys on tinder 24/7!!!
my girl cheated on me twice before without ever confessing. even when were watching a movie, she will be on her phone. and she’s been texting my dealer (which is what she’s into now apparently, but he’s ugly, and fat af). but I think she’s cheating again. like, I shouldn’t even have to ask at all if she could put her phone down for about at least 2 hours. I barely even have my phone out. I wish she would have the same respect
If you’re not married to her, stop being a pu$$y and dump her ass….. Are you really so arrogant that you’d suffer because she’s hot? No girl is worth that shit unless there’s children involved. That changes things sometimes. DUMP THE BROAD
I’m going through a very similar situation, almost identical. This really helps, thanks.
Hi Guys,
I thought I was alone experiencing the problem. I mean it is awkward spending time all day looking at Facebook or any other web platform. My girlfriend does. Where does the bus stop and people realize consequence of ignoring human interaction. At time she tell me that she need to learn to connect and social with people face to face, but the effort she put is little than the attention she put on social media. I love her. I think she can offer me more than she does if she can control he habit with social media. If she is not viewing her photos, then she viewing other pupils photos. It advantage that where she work they don’t allow staff to be on social media while working otherwise it will be a disastrous. I tried talking to her about it but I think I just let her until the addiction fade off, if it is possible. I too love the internet, especial app development and using search engine. I understand a little bit more about marketing tools which are used to madly attracted people than she does. I took a method that when she is on social media I detract myself by surfing the internet so I don’t feel left out. I value our relationship. I will try many solutions but ignoring the problem won’t be the answer.
I am in the same boat. She is always on the phone playing a game or texting or messaging her friends. She spends more time on FB than with me or anyone else unless we are at her parents house then she is no phone all family which I can understand. But no affection or anything.
I told my girlfriend she is on her gadget all the time. Her response is Im not on my gadget anymore. So we got into a fight. Im upstairs shes downstairs. She came upstairs and told me after I get my CDL license she wants me out of her house after I told her repeatedly how I felt. What a bitch. Her whole family is addicted to social media. Her 11 year old cousin named Adam has been given an iphone and is following in her footsteps and is much worse. Ive had many girlfriends in the past and not one of them would replace our time with social media and facebook. Im 39 and shes 32. Different eras. Social media can corrupt your girlfriend. Makes her just as atttractive as a computer. Dull without any feeling. Unresponsive, meaningless conversations. Find another girlfriend who dislikes social media and life will be great again for anyone reading this.
I am having the same problem guys. But I must say the conversations on this network platform open a fresh air window to a better understanding. It is quite obvious that the person who is hooked in (addicted by social media) products cannot see it like any addict hooked by any drug. Hopefully I think this is not true, otherwise the world has a problem called communication over concentration_which in this matter is too artificial. Keep posting guys, may we can unravel the epidermic to get to the real understanding we seek before relationships are broken up. Post Back!!!
My girlfriend of 9 years received an I phone from work, so for the last 2 years I have been tolerating the small screen when we were watching the big screen but lately she was saying that she was too tired to watch a movie, play a game, or go out but the she spends hours reading other people’s posts on FB even after I come to bed. So last week I said that she would have to hand over her phone if she wanted the spend the night with me, This was great for 3 nights, we talked, played board games, and even has some intimacy. I even commented how great it was not be neglected and actually be involved as a couple.
Then yesterday morning as we mutual agreed that I hide her cell phone till the morning she became frantic like a crack addict searching for her cell opening drawers and displacing stuff so much that my snowboard on the wall came lose and hit her on the head. I got ice for her and said you could of just asked me where it was without creating all this clutter. She then grabbed her phone and was on it for 2 hours, when I did all my morning chores I told her the rule that she had to get off the phone or get out. She left
Wow. Sad.
Dodged a bullet. I hope you are doing well now, all of these years later
Well I’m dating this girl who is 2 years younger than me and is constantly in her phone, I would talk to her but she doesn’t pay any attention as to what I say. She’s constantly on social media and I feel as if she will choose the media over are relationship, as I type this I’m typing out loud so she can hear and don’t think I’m playing. I’m asking for help and a way that we can possibly stop this for once. I do love her but I will leave if I really have to. I pray she will change the way she’s on social medi .
You can attempt to discuss your concerns with her, but I wager that you probably won’t have much influence over her behavior, considering that you’re just in the dating phase and the psychological plague of addiction to social media unfortunately is a force to behold. However, you don’t know this woman and moreover can’t possibly love her, as love is built over years. Infatuation is far more common and there will be plenty more opportunity for that; after all, are 3 billion other women on this planet. 🙂
Get rid of her, it will never change trust me.
Hello sad brethren……yes you should probably discuss it with her first and then if she does not understand chances are you have been weighed and as less important than the other options out there…….and remember that it takes more than love and attractiveness for a relationship to work. You also need trust, communication, and the willingness to sacrifice some of your SELF for each other…….BLESSED BE
DarkSavior
I agree with you.
I have been dating a woman for almost two years. Her use of the phone is a constant source of aggravation for me. We’ve had several adult discussions about the timing and frequency of her use of the phone, but little has changed. I dumped her last night, citing the phone as the major reason why. She contends that I should have said something. I contend that I had, at multiple instances, stated my dissatisfaction with her phone use, and am tired of discussing it with her.
So I agree with your assessment: she won’t change. None of them can–the drive for acceptance from Facebook friends outstrips that of the person a woman is with. Move on.
In the city where I live I would say that four out of every five women are on the phone at any one time. I have come to the realisation that these women are totally materialistic and narcissistic and couldn’t care about anything other than themselves. They are removing themselves from any future wiht men, and men are opting for a happier life without having to carry these bitches around and provide for their every need before the woman dumps them.
Arrive,home
from work She is naked in the Bed, talking to strange men who Want to get off on the phone. ..Able to talk her into Standing by the window Naked…Dark out, Shades open..Neighbor views her Naked..Also the teenage boys..know they jagoff.
.Help.
Husband
[email protected]
Start dating other women while still with her, then leave.
GET OUT NOW AND RUN MAN PLEASE.
Hey ya’ll!
Since this seems to be a mans world, as a girl I will go to all you phone haters for an honest response.
I am on my phone a lot. My boyfriend showed me this article. But let me tell you a little something about myself. I have 2 kids, 2 jobs, go to school, work a multi level marketing business (from my phone) and one of my jobs requires me to have my phone on me 24/7 (I am in the funeral service industry). To top it, I blog and I am a social butterfly that uses the Facebook platform to motivate others to make positive changes.
With all that being said. I am on my phone a lot BUT I do my best to limit it to work hours and though I need to have my phone on me at home, I do my best to stay off of it and just have it near.
Facebook seems to be the problem in our relationship as he doesn’t “want to worry about who I talk to” I talk to women. All women. And I’m not a lesbian. Nor have I ever cheated.
As men… Would you still find this a threat to your relationship?
Cheater
If your BF showed you the article then what does he specifically have a problem with in regards to your phone. You sound WAY too busy to spend any “social” time on your phone. Ever consider you are over committed and need to thin out your life a bit, especially if you are young. When you achieve all the goals in your pocket now, you may be totally burned out and sad? BTW–[I am 61 and kept a similar schedule back in the day–it tore my health apart] Well, best wishes all the same.
It’s a different generation, I remember when TV was the problem, but we used to watch together. Now I just watch everyone else in my family play on tablets. My gf would rather spend hours on fb instead of talk to me and my daughter would rather sit with an I pad than ride a moped. It’s a lonely feeling but suck it up, fake it till you feel it. Technology isn’t going anywhere, we’re just the next generation to say “when I was a kid…”.
Sounds like we are all in the same boat. I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 5 years. However, 2 years ago I was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour. Since the diagnosis she has become addicted to social media. I am 2nd best to her phone which is a kick in the b***s after all we have been through, but I am sick of seeing the top of her head while she is on the damn thing. Dont get me wrong I enjoy social media, but that doesn’t mean I ignore my life going on at the same time.it hurts to be replaced by technology and not have the love and affection of being in a proper relationship. I would do anything for my fiancee and kids but I can’t sit and wait for her to spend hours on her phone while I waste what life I have left.
Sorry man. You deserve better .
I had a girlfriend who used her cell phone constantly when we were together in the same room. I usually left my cell phone in my pocket in airplane mode so that I wouldn’t be tempted to use it, because I spend too much time using my phone. I started to get annoyed with her constantly using her phone when we were together, so I pulled out my phone and started using it constantly to see how she would react. She didn’t like it. Anytime I pulled out my phone she would ask me “What are you doing?”
She turned out to be a big liar and a cheater.
The relationship is over now thank goodness.
what do you do if talking to her does not work and when you brought it up she don’t think that she is really doing it?
I’m 29, she’s 27, been with her for 11 years. Last 3 years all I’ve seen of her is the top of her head. Tried speaking to her, ignores me. This happens when we’re in the car together, on date nights, celebrating special occasions etc. She HAS to ring her friend EVERY night for at least 3 to 4 hours a day. I try every time to get her to talk to me and get nothing in return. Sometimes she will talk to me, which is, I need to go the shops or when will u Marry me. My response to that of when u get off your effin phone n spend some time with me.
We can’t even go out for a walk or bike ride without having to stop for a few hours while she talks on her phone…
Yes I do have a smartphone, and yes I do use it, but only if I need to..
This is also a problem since Netflix and Hulu and Amazon prime…etc etc.. Became so easily accessed. On top of Facebook and Snapchat and YouTube and this and that, the constant streaming of shows.. That’s all she does. She calls it her “me time” but she doesn’t make other time for fam or me. If she does, it’s short spurts. I let her know… Over and over and over and it doesn’t sink in. I don’t have cildren with her but we have our own children and have been together for a while now so we have formed a family, it’s going to break up a good thing.
Guys, hear me out. I broke up with my gf of 4 years because of this. I’ll tell you it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I just started dating a girl who is not addicted to her phone and is also interested in a meaningful relationship. You guys need to man up and BAIL. The problem is not her phone. It’s her! Women like that are boring. Trust me, things will only get worse. It’s not like one day she will ditch her phone and/or you will just be okay with her being on it every second. BAIL!
My fiance too. Sometimes I try to talk to her and she gets annoyed and pissy because she’s “reading something” not educational, but Facebook comments etc. Well wow excuse ME. So what, I have to wait ten minutes, a half an hour etc. to talk to her? Obviously everything on her phone is more interesting. I see her flirt with other people too, treats me different when they are around. Makes innuendos, changes her voice to sound girlier and such. Whenever I have tried to leave her in the past she’s devastated and goes all psychotic. I don’t get it. Seems like she just uses me for sex since it’s the only time she gets off her phone, but right after, she’s right back on it of course. Getting sick of this stupidity. I’m going to start flirting with other women and be on my phone constantly as well. See how she likes it. Maybe then she won’t care if I leave.
This is toxic and u should know that u can’t change people. Don’t play the mind game cos she’s not gonna change anytime soon. Don’t expect her to change. The best way to win this game is to never play it. Just get someone else who cares.
Hi All,
Ive had to walk away from a lady I was in love with. It’s heartbreaking but I could no longer play second best to Facebook, What’s Ap and whatever else she was using.
It was getting progressively worse and she was so defensive that even to mention the fact she was always on the iPhone or iPad could and did cause major rows.
It ruined a holiday as I saw her becoming more and more attached to the phone.
I tried to tell her, “hey human being in the room” but was accused of being insecure, jealous, etc, etc.
and in the last rage she was in I was told, ” I don’t need this in my life”
I left. I’m broken but what could I do? I tried to talk but she was so defensive nothing could get through.
Last night I called her and she eventually picked it. I wish I hadn’t as it didn’t go well.
Lost my love to Facebook ……………
James.
Same shit going. Well, i had a fight with gf about it… a fight. Standup for yourself.
However, you guys should learn how to pay her attention too, if you are boring to be around then this will often happens, no interest topics, laziness.
Just time to turns the table, starts arguing alot, makes yourself the main attention, bring some mind games this would results to drain her energy on you, take her out to nice places, talk more, be the leader, even if she said tired insists on going out with her and she will likes it.
Stop being the same guy and bring some drama, this gonna makes relationship more interested.
Guys think logically but girls emotionally so understanding is the key important
This comment is stupid. You don’t think all the guys in the comments tried all of these recommendations you are suggesting? If you have not dealt with someone like this in your life, then you have no earthly idea what it is like. PERIOD. Unfortunately, a breakup is often necessary when it comes to someone who is too selfish and consumed by material things. You cannot have a real relationship with someone like that. I am about to be “celebrating” my 9-year anniversary with my girlfriend this month, and let me tell you, I have been planning on leaving for quite sometime. The constant phone use, the lack of attention, the laziness, the list goes on and on. The guy who said it was the best decision to leave his ex over this is probably telling the truth. I almost feel as though I can’t even comprehend what a happy relationship feels like anymore; the neglect has gotten that bad. I’m more apathetic now and trying to figure out how to end things which is not easy when you live together and the stakes are higher.
Anyways, the “don’t be boring” advice is BS and the woman is also responsible for participating in the relationship as well. It’s not always the guy’s fault.
I have the same problem with my gf…in the beginning of our relationship she was never on her phone. Now she’s alwaysss on her phone. I will say a joke and she’ll laugh like 5 mins later once she’s done texting. It’s so irritating. When I bring it to her attention that it bothers me she gets mad and says that I don’t trust her and why does she even have a phone -.- idk how to bring it up again without her getting angry…
I’m going through the same situation except she replaced it with games, spades, wheel of fortune, as much as I try to describe human to human is what I want, she still stays in her phone. Even during discussions about quality time. She stays up in the late nightsummer to 3 or sometimesomething 4. She does get up at 9 in her defense, but it not fun sleeping alone.
It sucks to see this. I came on here looking for hope that there are ways at fixing the problem instead I see how many guys are going through the same thing. I married my wife a year ago and she already spent more time on her phone then attention paid to me and our 3 boys before our marriage. We been together for 7 years so it’s hard to just leave because I’m feeling distant and alone even when we are sitting together. I tried to bring it up multiple times how I felt but it just causes her to get upset and ignore me even more. I’ve gone as far as telling her I feel like I should leave because I don’t feel like our marriage is going the way I thought it would. Her answer was that the problem must be with me and that maybe I should work on myself before trying to work on us. This hurt me like nothing before and now more convinced I should leave her, I love her and our children so much that I can’t pack a bag without breaking down in tears and changing my mind. I don’t want to leave my family but I’m becoming so depressed it’s slowly ripping me apart.
Is there anything else I can do to help her limit the amount of time she spends on her phone? If I leave I I’ll just be hurting my kids more then anything.
hang in there mate. Im going through the same thing. I think we all are. the world is getting shittier… and its us as humans. we have less patience and tact. hope your doing alright. stay strong
If she doesn’t change, u have to leave the family mate. can you afford living like that for the rest of your life? If the answer is no. Then you should divorce.
And there’s me thinking I was the only one. Well, if it’s any consolation, it’s just the same in the UK!
I wish I had a answer for everyone but I’m going threw the same thing. I love my wife with all my heart and it seems that she loves her phone more than me. She on it 24/7 and it feels like I’m not good enough for her. Every day I wonder if I’m not good enough for her and it’s killing me.
200 percent true story
I’m about to k8ck my cambodian girlfriend of 7 months to the curb over this very bullshit.
The wife has always been slightly detached but it’s been like night and day since she got her first smartphone a few years ago. Now she even takes it to bed with her. It’s the first thing she’s doing in bed when she wakes up. Doesn’t even say “good morning” until she’s had her facebook fix, about a half hour later. Games, facebook, Instagram, and whatever else. Getting ‘likes’ on social media is of prime importance now. And gotta be sure to give return likes, so yeah, it’s a never-ending loop of drama and selfies. She has no real friends, just 2000 fake ones in fantasy land. Every single thing revolves around the phone, can’t even watch a movie without her posting it and checking for likes the whole time. She literally doesn’t want to do anything else 90% of the time, just eat, play on her phone, and sleep. Our pets would die of starvation, and the house would sink into the earth, she wouldn’t even notice. I know part of the problem is I’ve allowed things to progress to this point. I’ve tried talking to her but it just becomes a fight and gets diverted to off topic crap, redirected at me somehow. I don’t see how we can continue much longer. I will probably have to post it on her wall if I file for divorce! Lol. That’s okay, there’s no app for fixing a leaking roof or flat tire. Good luck, honey, you’re going to need it. And I guarantee I won’t waste my time with another woman lost in the media matrix.
I discovered i was being played for a fool and scammed. Who knows it possibly saved my live. I know it sounds like a hallmark movie but I discovered this person had manipulated me for over 9 years. I was amazed at how clearly you can hear, get instant text messages sent and received from the target’s device. I had mspy first which kinda sucked. The best thing I ever did is get in touch with some tech guy called thunderbirdinc, he saved me so much trouble. I was even amazed because I learnt he could offer more hacking/spying services
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Same here, no hope at all. Facebook junkie
My girlfriend and i are together for 18months now, we’ve been in a Long distance relationship for 6months earlier.
And we live together for a year now,
And i notice how she became attached to her phone all the time like literally. Wheb she woke up the first thing she’ll do is grab her phone and check for updates,messages,etc.
When we were eating she’s still on her phone, sometimes it feels like she’s not with me even though she’s physically with me, i just can’t feel her presence, she’s always mentally and emotionaly absent.
Sometimes it makes me think that LDR is far more better than being treated this way jut sayin’
Have you guys bothered to ask if she was okay? Like, maybe social media is her copping mechanism and she uses that to escape from something she’s dealing with. Often than not, addiction to social media is caused by that feeling.
Of course many of us have! In my situation, I get the “Yes everything is alright, why?” In other words, she either plays dumb or realizes that she is being neglectful. Either way, this behavior is toxic and if I end up single again in the near future, it will be an instant deal-breaker for me. If the woman is not head-over-heels and nuturing like a normal woman is supposed to be (I don’t give a f*** how offensive that even sounds, I am FED UP) – then I’ll be moving on so damn fast that the woman will have no idea what happened.
Women out there reading this, WAKE the F*** UP!
P.S – I suspect this is rampant and explains a lot of weird things going on in society these days.
GF of 13 years got an Iphone couple of years ago and her usage has went up and up and up. She is on it constantly.I get images and other items from her when she is at work so she is using some work time to be on her Iphone.She is on the phone when we eat at home, eat out, watching TV at home, bedtime, bathroom, etc., etc. If I interrupt her she gets angry.
Can’t remember the last time we had intimate time. She is also addicted to news programming. She keeps the TV on cable news AND is nosed in her Iphone at the same time.
We had a bitter fight 2017 new years weekend and I told her how I felt about her excessive time on her Iphone.She denied that it was a problem.
So we live together but live separate lives with her Iphone between us. Her phone takes president over everything as doesthe constant barrage of news programming. I have to remain quiet.
I am 61 and she is 57. It is a shame that our lives are relegated to Iphone off time. Do I have an Iphone–yes, same as hers. Am I addicted? HELL NO. The life in front of me and around me is more important. The news repeats every 15 minutes. I fear that this will be my life from now on unless I decide to leave.
I just turned 30 and I am in the EXACT same situation man. I use my phone, we all do, but I check something and then put it down. Women cannot seem to put it down. I’m really sorry to hear so many guys in the same situation. Maybe if we started ignoring the the same way they would see how shitty it feels.
@ Adam
lol, believe me, I’ve tried that, and either she does not notice or she will accuse ME of neglecting her! So in my case, I just can’t win. I’m beyond over it at this point and could care less if she broke up with me tomorrow because of how emotionally and physically absent she is now. It’s been like this for quite a while too (I’m talking 5+ years), so I am ready to move on to something REAL. Good luck to anyone else out there dealing with this crap.
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now and she says she loves me but sometimes I don’t feel that’s true. Whenever we wake up in bed together the first thing she says to me is “could you hand me my phone?” and she’s gone for an hour or two. When we are about to sleep she usually spends an even longer amount of time (two-three hours) on her phone checking instagram, twitter, snapchat, back to instagram- wrinse and repeat. She doesn’t say a word to me while she does this. If I try to engage with her, I get a brain-dead response because she’s not paying full attention. This is seriously starting to piss me off and I feel like she’s dating the phone and I’m just sitting there doing nothing. It’s so infuriating. I’ve told her to stop or limit it but she clearly doesn’t understand how addicted she really is. I catch her looking at social media when we’re hanging out with a group of friends too. I can’t believe it, frankly.
You’re all really whinny. Get over it, maybe if you were more interesting people then a phone wouldn’t intimidate you so much. How about you spend less time whining about a phone and be less selfish about someone’s attention. You don’t have to be the center of someones world to mean something to them. Seriously, GET A LIFE!!!
Wow, nice attitude! So people who are in romantic relationships on the receiving end of this are at fault for their partner’s emotional neglect? I feel sorry for anyone who made the mistake of getting involved with you.
If you are not interested in being in a FULL relationship; then don’t BE in a relationship. Please do everyone a favor and stay single.
This article doesn’t offer much help. If you say something to her, she resents you for it and will just do yet when you aren’t around. If you ignore it, it will only get worse.
I’m in kind of an unusual situation with this just because my girlfriend is NOT constantly on social media. She’s constantly on bullshit time wasting websites like reddit. I would almost rather her be on the gram or Facebook. It’s shitty because I will ask what movie she wants to watch, when I’m not interested in watching that at all, then she is constantly on her phone. I feel like if she isn’t going to watch it I should be able to put on whatever I want to watch. But then she gets mad when I change it. She seems to get even madder when I mention her constant phone use. It’s so frustrating that women are becoming this way but will bitch about all the things men do. It really seems like the tables are turning and instead of us ignoring them for friends and football, they’re ignoring us for iPhones and trivial bullshit. I have never been into sports, I just want to enjoy a movie together but those days are over. I’ve been with this chick for 13 years and it’s only become a problem in the last year or two.
Maybe I should switch teams as I doubt gay dudes have to deal with this.
Nah, this problem occurs in all communities. There are men who do this as well, but it does definitely seem like women are worse for it on average.
In a long-term relationship myself, and it sucks because of the same things you mentioned in your post. It’s like there’s a total absence of love and warmth and then they get pissed off because you seem “grumpy.” Yeah, no sh**! Hard to be happy when one of the most important people in your life is constantly checked-out and not even registering your presence. And women wonder why men are avoiding marriage like the plague right now. Unbelievable.