Premature ejaculation is like any other habit. It is hard to stop. Breaking the habit is going to require your ever present, conscious vigilance.

Even if you have been sexually active a long time, you are going to have to gain a heightened appreciation for what the exact sensations are immediately before you go over the edge and lose control over your orgasm. Your task is to learn to regulate those sensations, and control the amount of stimulation you receive.  When sensations heighten, you will need to stop all movement until you feel in control. This process repeats itself until you gain reliable control over your orgasm.

Might you be unconsciously attempting, through your premature ejaculation, to be making a statement to you partner about something you’re upset, threatened, intimidated, or angered about?  Do you feel judged or criticized by her, or do you fear her in some way? Are you repelled or turned off to her? Are you feeling guilty about something? Make a list about everything that may fit these questions, and make sure you thoroughly talk these issues out with your partner. This step is essential if you want to solve the problem long term. If you can’t talk about these questions with each other in a healthy manner, the two of you need couples therapy to assist you in the discussion.

Another way of controlling premature ejaculation is to raise your orgasmic threshold through intense, repeated exposure to sex, which could include once or even twice a day until you gain self-control. This solution requires a willing partner, or it will create resentment and hostility.

You may fear the intimacy or be intimidated by the closeness that sex demands. If so, see a therapist about confronting and resolving those fears. Fear will inhibit both your sexual desire and your performance.

You may need to learn how to relax and lessen your level of tension while making love. A man who is tense and nervous during love- making is probably trying to get out of there in a hurry.

Kegal (pronounced Kay-gill) exercises should help you to gain self-control by strengthening the muscles in your penis that control your ejaculation. You find these muscles two different ways.  First, when you’re urinating, stop the flow entirely, and then resume. The muscles you use while doing that are your PC muscles, and one way of gaining better ejaculatory control is to stop and start your flow over and over again each time you urinate. The other way of finding those muscles is to pull in and tighten your penis (your anal sphincter will tighten also). Doing these exercises ten at a time, six times a day for six weeks, should help you have better control over the muscles in your penis.

Another solution to premature ejaculation includes using condoms or numbing gel (the latter is available at some lingerie shops), both are which are known to lessen sensations. Some medications are known to inhibit ejaculation, and you could ask you physician about them as well.

Solving premature ejaculation offers you the opportunity to pursue a better sexual union with your partner. I might suggest that you significantly lengthen foreplay, so that your partner feels very satisfied before you even get in there. This will hopefully help her to not feel cheated. You might even reinstate courting behaviors again, which will assist her in feeling close to you.