Talking to Each Other
So frequently do marriage therapists—including myself—hear couples complain that they don’t communicate well, that I thought I would offer an exercise for those couples who would like to improve the quality of communication in their relationship. These questions are taken from Bonnie Sose’s book Talk to Me.
- Name seven specific things you really like about your mate.
- What things do you need to hear more often from your mate?
- How much effort do you put forth when it comes to the health, happiness and wholeness of your relationship? What specifically do you do?
- What problems, if solved, would make the biggest difference in your relationship?
- Can you tell your mate exactly what you need from him or her, your real wants and needs? Ask your mate what he or she needs and wants from you.
- In one sentence, describe your mate.
- What is the most solid part of your relationship? How do your individual strengths compliment each other?
- In twenty words, describe your relationship.
- Do both people in your relationship have equal responsibility concerning financial matters? What about household and family responsibilities? Are the responsibilities fair and equal?
- What is the most recent thing you did to try to make your mate happy? Be specific. How important is your mate’s happiness to you?
- When was the last time your mate gave you the look of love?
- Is there anything in your lovemaking that you haven’t done that you’d like to try?
- What are the three main hindrances to you feeling more love in your relationship?
- Is your mate also a good friend? Explain.
- What do you bring to your relationship that makes it work?
- What did you learn about your mate after you married or bonded, that you didn’t know beforehand?
- Are there times that you feel particularly close to your mate? If yes, when?
- How much time do you spend with your mate each day? How often do you plan time to be alone together?
- Is the way your mate kisses you important? How do you like to be kissed? When was the last time you had that kind of kiss?
- What kinds of things did you do for your mate before you got married that you no longer take the time to do?
- What are the two most important decisions you and your mate will make together this next year?
- Does your mate challenge you to grow? How?
- Do you trust your mate? If not, where was your trust broken?
- How do you feel when your mate is unresponsive to you sexually? How do you feel when your mate is in the mood for love and you’re not?
- How do your greet your mate when you haven’t seen him/her all day? How would you like your mate to greet you?
- You love your partner but there is no passion left in your relationship. How would you attempt to rekindle that fire?
- How can you detect when your mate is upset? How do you usually respond to him/her at such times? How would you like him/her to respond to you when you’re upset?
- What would it take to make you feel loved the way you need to be loved?
